Now there's the other kind of good bad hurt, the achy sad joy that's physically exhausting. Erika sighs, and nods, and shakes her head.]
That's what I was afraid of. [Shakes her head again, fondly, to head off any kind of, like - panic. It's okay. She hears you, she's taking it in, taking it at face value. It's just...heavy.] It's not like it's a bad thing. It's the best thing in the world.
[She sits up a little straighter and crosses her arms, thinking.] My...treatment wasn't routine. My brother gave up everything to make sure it went through. His time. His future. All but one of his friends. [...] His morals. And he kept it all secret. I never - when I found out, I wanted payback, and I wanted to save him. And neither one...got all the way to the end.
It was all just luck. I didn't choose to hurt him by dying. But I still didn't want to, and it's still...
[The spaceship. The probes. Erika swallows.]
It's still...even the best thing in the world hurts people. And happy endings don't last. And I want to - save someone. I want to save someone without hurting them first. I want to be able to beat this stupid station, and protect all of you. And win for once.
[Tears are rapping at the gate, but they're...a lot politer than they usually are. Or so they seem. They're still unwelcome. Erika denies them exit anyways.]
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Now there's the other kind of good bad hurt, the achy sad joy that's physically exhausting. Erika sighs, and nods, and shakes her head.]
That's what I was afraid of. [Shakes her head again, fondly, to head off any kind of, like - panic. It's okay. She hears you, she's taking it in, taking it at face value. It's just...heavy.] It's not like it's a bad thing. It's the best thing in the world.
[She sits up a little straighter and crosses her arms, thinking.] My...treatment wasn't routine. My brother gave up everything to make sure it went through. His time. His future. All but one of his friends. [...] His morals. And he kept it all secret. I never - when I found out, I wanted payback, and I wanted to save him. And neither one...got all the way to the end.
It was all just luck. I didn't choose to hurt him by dying. But I still didn't want to, and it's still...
[The spaceship. The probes. Erika swallows.]
It's still...even the best thing in the world hurts people. And happy endings don't last. And I want to - save someone. I want to save someone without hurting them first. I want to be able to beat this stupid station, and protect all of you. And win for once.
[Tears are rapping at the gate, but they're...a lot politer than they usually are. Or so they seem. They're still unwelcome. Erika denies them exit anyways.]