You shouldn't assume things, Master. Besides, you're not cut out to be a queen. A knight, perhaps... regardless, this isn't why I wished to speak with you.
[ At least now the mood's been lightened a bit, even if it came at the cost of Ryuji's soul. She hesitates, trying to find the right words. ]
My father loved Britain and its people. I'm certain that he loved them. But whether it was towards me or anyone else, he never once gave any affection. That was one of the complaints raised against him. That's why so many followed me β simply because I showed an emotion they could understand.
Even so, I don't understand love at all. To surpass my father, I think I need to grasp that. I never really got to speak with him, so this is the only way I can think of to figure things out.
[Being a knight would probably be one of the coolest things Ryuji could ever think of. So, he's pretty damn placated with that comment, smiling to himself.]
Tch... if I were your knight, I'd have to end up protecting you. That's one hell of a role reversal.
[There's almost no conviction in his thoughts (voice?) that even makes that seem like it bothers him or that he's leading her on. He'd do it in a heartbeat if she said Loser, come with me back to Camelot. But... that's... sad, too, in a way.]
Love's kinda... tricky, you know?
Sorry, I know it's a scary subject to talk about and bring up, but I don't know how else to describe it. But I think about my mom... who loves me so much she cried once, telling me she was sorry that she raised me as a single parent. Like... all the dumb, stupid shit I did was her fault, even though it was me causing trouble. I think that's the kind of love a king should have for their kingdom. Like it's their child, not like it's their duty.
That kinda seems like where your dad messed up. To love an ideal is really... well, it's kinda different than loving something unconditionally. I dunno.
In reality, she rolls her eyes at the idea of him protecting her, but... she can't dismiss the rest so easily. She's seen his dreams β it's only a glimpse, not a way to understand everything, but it's enough to understand something about where he's coming from. ]
... I doubt I'm capable of that. [ At least she's honest. ] Your words are rather wise, however. Perhaps you should be a soothsayer instead of a knight.
[ Ryuji predicting the future....
Nah. ]
I will draw the sword from the stone. But after that... my father's reign was already perfect. All I can do is hope to become a different sort of king. [ For someone she's identical to in appearance, she's the opposite of in almost every other way. ] During my life, such a thing would have been impossible. My mother was an evil witch. My father never looked back at me even once. So if I want to learn, I need to learn from those around me.
I think that a king should be able to talk and laugh like anyone else. If my father was allowed that much, others might have understood him better. If he'd been able to smile just once... [ She trails off, clearly wrestling with her emotions. ] Sorry, Master. I know this is all rather sudden. But there isn't anyone else I yet wish to speak with about this.
[They've shared the worst of their experiences- both in the past and in the present. He's not going to give up on her now or leave her to think that she can't talk about this sort of stuff with him. He stops what he's doing, excusing himself from the public task he was performing, deciding that it's more important to just... well, be with her as she talks some of this stuff out.]
Well... I've seen you talk and laugh and you always kinda... you got this vibrancy to you, you know? You don't ever have to worry about getting the attention of a room to lock eyes on you.
[For better, or for worse, to be honest.
At least- to everyone else.
To Ryuji, she's perfect. What's the point in doing anything if you don't have passion?]
... Can I ask you somethin' kinda... well, just as touchy, I guess. Why do you wanna be a king, anyway? You're not your father, just like I'm not mine. I thought running was all I'd ever be good for, and when I fucked that up... Sheesh, what I mean to say is that.
Do it for you, if that's what you want. Don't go after it just because it's handed down to you by birthright or 'cause you want to be in his footsteps. You're the knight of treachery. Rebellion's your thing. Well, our thing, but. You know how that goes. You don't need a sword in some dumb stone to tell you who you are.
And then... y'know. When you do figure that love thing out, like, whatever that means for you, make sure you smile. All the time. Then you don't have to live in his shadow.
Back then... I wanted to be king so he'd look at me. So he'd accept me as his child instead of loathing me. [ In her room, she stops polishing her sword, and runs her hands along the length of it instead. A blade stolen from her father's treasury. Something of his β even if just like her existence, it was never given willingly. ] That must sound pretty stupid, huh? And in the end, I stopped caring about anything else but surpassing him.
It's like I said. A king should be able to laugh, and smile, and even cry. But my father didn't see it that way. I guess I thought that... if I was king instead, he'd be able to do all that stuff. Even if I could just pick up what he threw away, it might ease his burden. I don't think he ever regretted becoming king, but I wanted him to be happy.
[ She rubs at her eyes, and she's glad he can't see her sniffle just a tiny bit. Weakly: ]
Ah, dammit... it really was a stupid reason after all. Hey, you'd better not tell anyone about this, got it?!
Nah... I don't think it sounds stupid. It's up to us kids to take care of our parents when we're old enough to, anyway. It ain't wrong to want to lift their burdens up.
[He thinks about his mom... and ultimately, how much he really, truly misses her. Even if she was never home and holding down two jobs, just knowing the security of being in her house was a protection he... now realizes how much he took for granted.]
But you also gotta do what makes you happy, too. Don't forget that.
[ Thanks, Mordred. She takes a minute to compose herself a bit β it's ironic, admitting she wanted to help him when she ended up killing him. In his final moments, was he happy? Was he satisfied? She'll never know, and it burns. ]
Hey, Ryuji... thanks. My sword feels a little brighter now. I'm... glad you're my Master.
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Huh? Of course you aren't.
... Wait, did you think this was about that? [ She laughs. ] You idiot! It's about being a good king, not anything of a romantic sort.
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Somehow, this got twisted back on him real quick, and he feels kind of dumb. Like, really dumb. Of course Mordred didn't have the hots for him.]
Geez, you don't have to say things like "OF COURSE" and shit like that. Man...
[And now that he's said his part on that one--]
You mean like...
Huh? I'm confused. What does love have to do with being a king?
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[ At least now the mood's been lightened a bit, even if it came at the cost of Ryuji's soul. She hesitates, trying to find the right words. ]
My father loved Britain and its people. I'm certain that he loved them. But whether it was towards me or anyone else, he never once gave any affection. That was one of the complaints raised against him. That's why so many followed me β simply because I showed an emotion they could understand.
Even so, I don't understand love at all. To surpass my father, I think I need to grasp that. I never really got to speak with him, so this is the only way I can think of to figure things out.
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Tch... if I were your knight, I'd have to end up protecting you. That's one hell of a role reversal.
[There's almost no conviction in his thoughts (voice?) that even makes that seem like it bothers him or that he's leading her on. He'd do it in a heartbeat if she said Loser, come with me back to Camelot. But... that's... sad, too, in a way.]
Love's kinda... tricky, you know?
Sorry, I know it's a scary subject to talk about and bring up, but I don't know how else to describe it. But I think about my mom... who loves me so much she cried once, telling me she was sorry that she raised me as a single parent. Like... all the dumb, stupid shit I did was her fault, even though it was me causing trouble. I think that's the kind of love a king should have for their kingdom. Like it's their child, not like it's their duty.
That kinda seems like where your dad messed up. To love an ideal is really... well, it's kinda different than loving something unconditionally. I dunno.
no subject
In reality, she rolls her eyes at the idea of him protecting her, but... she can't dismiss the rest so easily. She's seen his dreams β it's only a glimpse, not a way to understand everything, but it's enough to understand something about where he's coming from. ]
... I doubt I'm capable of that. [ At least she's honest. ] Your words are rather wise, however. Perhaps you should be a soothsayer instead of a knight.
[ Ryuji predicting the future....
Nah. ]
I will draw the sword from the stone. But after that... my father's reign was already perfect. All I can do is hope to become a different sort of king. [ For someone she's identical to in appearance, she's the opposite of in almost every other way. ] During my life, such a thing would have been impossible. My mother was an evil witch. My father never looked back at me even once. So if I want to learn, I need to learn from those around me.
I think that a king should be able to talk and laugh like anyone else. If my father was allowed that much, others might have understood him better. If he'd been able to smile just once... [ She trails off, clearly wrestling with her emotions. ] Sorry, Master. I know this is all rather sudden. But there isn't anyone else I yet wish to speak with about this.
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Well... I've seen you talk and laugh and you always kinda... you got this vibrancy to you, you know? You don't ever have to worry about getting the attention of a room to lock eyes on you.
[For better, or for worse, to be honest.
At least- to everyone else.
To Ryuji, she's perfect. What's the point in doing anything if you don't have passion?]
... Can I ask you somethin' kinda... well, just as touchy, I guess. Why do you wanna be a king, anyway? You're not your father, just like I'm not mine. I thought running was all I'd ever be good for, and when I fucked that up... Sheesh, what I mean to say is that.
Do it for you, if that's what you want. Don't go after it just because it's handed down to you by birthright or 'cause you want to be in his footsteps. You're the knight of treachery. Rebellion's your thing. Well, our thing, but. You know how that goes. You don't need a sword in some dumb stone to tell you who you are.
And then... y'know. When you do figure that love thing out, like, whatever that means for you, make sure you smile. All the time. Then you don't have to live in his shadow.
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It's like I said. A king should be able to laugh, and smile, and even cry. But my father didn't see it that way. I guess I thought that... if I was king instead, he'd be able to do all that stuff. Even if I could just pick up what he threw away, it might ease his burden. I don't think he ever regretted becoming king, but I wanted him to be happy.
[ She rubs at her eyes, and she's glad he can't see her sniffle just a tiny bit. Weakly: ]
Ah, dammit... it really was a stupid reason after all. Hey, you'd better not tell anyone about this, got it?!
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[He thinks about his mom... and ultimately, how much he really, truly misses her. Even if she was never home and holding down two jobs, just knowing the security of being in her house was a protection he... now realizes how much he took for granted.]
But you also gotta do what makes you happy, too. Don't forget that.
Don't worry- your secret's safe with me.
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[ Thanks, Mordred. She takes a minute to compose herself a bit β it's ironic, admitting she wanted to help him when she ended up killing him. In his final moments, was he happy? Was he satisfied? She'll never know, and it burns. ]
Hey, Ryuji... thanks. My sword feels a little brighter now. I'm... glad you're my Master.
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[So don't lob off his head??]
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Huh?! Idiot, you should have believed it the first time! And the second! And the third!