[He's been trying to figure out if that was the cause for a while now, a fiercely debated topic going on in his head that he couldn't figure out odds or evens on. He wasn't avoiding Achilles intentionally so much as trying to figure himself out- which wasn't easy for Ryuji to to, at all. He didn't like being so confused by himself, by his own actions. It put him in a weird limbo.]
Mn. Maybe a little. But also kinda... angry.
[He bites his bottom lip with his two front teeth, dragging it into his mouth until he licks it forward to let go. Another (kind of) bad habit of his.]
Angry that you'd do something like that in general, I guess. I mean. Noctis didn't want that from you, and you implied that you were gonna take it from him anyway. Guys like that from the time I live in are considered the lowest of the low, y'know?
[ Anime wink when he admits he's jealous, because that feeds his ego... He laughs a little, but it's contained in his throat and the noise of it pushes into his chest in a deep rumble.
Also boy, don't be biting your lip like that. THE FUCK? ]
Don't you have any faith in me...? I came to your rescue when you called, didn't I? [ Okay, so now he's going to move closer, lifting a leg so his foot is positioned on the first step leading up to the bed. Better start moving back, Ryuji. ]
I wouldn't do anything unless it was clear the other person wanted it. Do you understand the kind of man I am?
You thought you could have me play victim to your little childish game and then thought it was appropriate to place blame on me after I decided to have my own fun.
Ryuji stands his ground, thinking that this conversation was going to go in one way, but drastically takes a sharp turn in another, and his eyebrows furrow downward. He was almost ready to move on and put this past them when he does... well, that, and his jaw slacks downward--- what. the...]
How... could've I known that it'd actually hurt you? You're goddamn near invincible. [He grips the staircase with his fingers, pushing hard against the material there and letting the sting of his grip enter him completely.] Which, oh, I dunno. Also makes you into this huge asshole with a completely warped view of the world.
[He'd probably be better off just telling him to leave, but since he -didn't- get his point across the first time, he thinks it's better to try again.]
It ain't harmless fun, you fuckin' numbskull, to go around like some dumb sl--- ["slut"] --asshole who thinks the entire world wants you just for being some storybook hero. Get a grip, dude. And I don't need your goddamn pride, either, so if you think I'm insulting, you're free to go.
[ He watches him impassively, quiet anger stirring in his chest, making his heart clench and his chest feel tight. Being mostly invulnerable, Achilles is a man who can take an arrow to his chest or a blow to his face without blinking an eye, but words -- words and action can still reach him through his impregnable exterior and engrave themselves on his soul. Some have left old scars, dating back centuries and centuries ago, from the moment Agamemnon had dared to dishonour him in front of his followers, while others had faded, leaving traces of shame that he'd rather leave buried.
This, what the boy says to him right now, isn't as severe as anything that could leave a long lasting wound, but it's the equivalent of a slap to his cheek that stings long after its impact.
A storybook hero, huh?
For the entirety of the short life he'd led, this is what it all had been for. An entertaining story that some had never heard before, or cared to hear about.
He wanted to continue to be a hero. If Ryuji hadn't heard of him, then he could see his glory for himself and share in that pride, but it seems they've come to an impasse, one that might have been inevitable in hindsight. He's hooked on something that Achilles can't wrap his head around and can't begin to consider, but that is a difference in their experiences.
Withdrawing away, he shuts his eyes. Anger transitions, shifting from a simmering heat to a cold chill that runs down the length of his spine. He can't quite discern what he's angry about, or if he's more hurt and sorrowful than pissed. He's never been good at understanding his emotions, just knows how to feel and let it consume him. ]
To think you know what my intentions are and how I feel is a sign of arrogance in itself.
You'll see what you think you see. Your perception is limited by your own understanding of the world.
[His fist slams against the perpendicular angle of the metal below him, not denting- no, his strength isn't anywhere near enough to start causing holes in his capsule. It's hard to care about someone or where they come from, or their history, when they act like such a condescending douche all the time, but to get that point across, Ryuji would have to travel millennia backwards in time, or Achilles would have to forward.
He can't, and won't understand.
Their definitions of what a hero is or isn't are too different.]
You're callin' me arrogant? [That's.
Ironic.
And makes Achilles a complete hypocrite in Ryuji's eyes.]
You... [He breathes through his nose, so frustrated that Achilles doesn't get it- still makes this about him.]
You know how I feel about you, and you think it'd be your own "fun" to play around with it. [God. He wants to crawl into a hole and die. Or at least find one of those weird ass hotspots and melt away for a few days.]
Just.... go, then. If you can't understand that, just. Leave me alone, then.
[He doesn't resist- even in all his fury and anger, he doesn't. He lets Achilles draw him closer, amber eyes locking into a similar pair in front of him. Maybe it's because he's so young and stupid, so easy to break and malleable enough to put back together, he looks particularly lost when he stares back at Achilles, finally seeming, for the first time in a while, relatable and honest.
His throat feels tight, and he aims to keep some composure to himself.]
[ He expected as much, since Ryuji seems to be mostly bravado and hot air. But he can appreciate his anger, though it pales to his own wrathful nature.
Maybe it's misdirected. Or maybe he has done something to earn this sort of lashing out. Whatever the case is, he's having to suspend his conflicting emotions, setting them aside because of his inclination to take care of others, if he cares about them.
He wonders if he's being foolish, or if he's just desperate to become attached to someone, to tether himself to this world. ]
No. I know you've got a good heart and if I'm your friend, I believe you wouldn't wish any harm on me. [ He's being truthful. He withdraws his hand after a moment, having figured that the gesture itself was enough to convince him of his sincerity. ]
Ryuji...
Could you tell me that you love me? Do you think you could come to appreciate me as a person, for all my flaws and my strengths?
Or am I just a storybook hero that you foolishly became infatuated with... Are you starting to realize that maybe I'm not the man you thought I was -- or wanted me to be.
[It's an intensity to which Ryuji couldn't have predicted, not by a long shot, but it feels... very much like Achilles in general. He's not a candlelight that shines dimly in a dark room, but a wildfire that takes the entire forest in the blink of an eye and spreads quicker than the wind can carry it. Ryuji falters, for a second, because he doesn't know how to answer that question. And it sucks, really, because that immobility is what had originally made him keep reservations about becoming his Master to begin with. It's the same pang of warning feeling that prickles all over his skin.
But, in the same way that he's kept back a step from moving forward, it irks him that he had said some things in his anger that he regrets being brought to light. Ryuji laments the insult he slinged at Achilles- was it fair that he called him a faerie tale? A nursery rhyme for the Grecians of old, and a pain in the ass for kids who have to read thousands of lines of prose for school and not actually appreciate the realness behind the Achilles? Here he is, in all his glory, his rash, dumb, fierce glory, and Ryuji's eyes cast downward for a beat.
Love? He isn't even sure if he's capable of that. How unfair is that to Achilles.]
I uh... I don't know... how to love, really, so don't ask me that sorta thing. I've never been with a person to know what that feels like.
[It always comes off strange whenever Ryuji has to talk about his inner emotions. He always feels like he's not smart enough or eloquent enough to get the point across, an eternity of flaws laid into each of his words like he knew they'd come to bite him in the ass one day. But if anything, he's looking at Achilles- earnest as ever, unable to lie to him. Ryuji doesn't lie. It's just not a part of who he is. Achilles doesn't know that yet, but the demand to answer honestly was never necessary to begin with--]
Yea... I mean, you got the foolish part right, at least. 'M sorry for reducing you down to a story... I was just angry.
But... [He cups his hand against his neck, feeling a pit at stomach growing. He should choose his words carefully so that he doesn't give off the wrong impression.] Everyone's got their thing, y'know? Their Achilles' heel. But nobody wants to love a diamond. It's the flaws that make us who we are, for better or worse. And yeah. I guess...
I guess you're kinda like my own Achilles' heel, y'know?
[ Ryuji... He's dodging the question, avoiding giving him a direct answer and steering completely off topic.
It's cute. Achilles smiles despite himself. But he's still hurt. He isn't sure how long it will take before he believes Ryuji doesn't think of him as just a character from a silly legend. ]
Then, if I mean anything to you, you should believe in me. [ Is this reasonable...? ] And trust me.
I don't want to made a fool for loving someone who might actually think so little of me.
So... y'know Noctis was gonna punch me in the face, right? The fact that I asked you to come save me... yeah, okay, dumb idea, I get it... but you did. It's not like I don't believe in ya.
[Sits there, rubbing the side of his face.
God, can he stop using the word love? It feels so weird hearing it come out of another person's mouth.]
If you want a direct answer, I thought I kinda gave it to you. A few times. I don't know what it is about you, but I'm weak around you.
And dude, stop saying that word. It's really weird in my culture.
[ SQUEEZING HIM TIGHT. He isn't as gentle with men as he is with women. ]
Your friendship honours me. I'll cherish it. [ Very genuine.... and sincere. Please appreciate.
He'll let go eventually, letting Ryuji slip away from the cage of his arms so he can look at his face more clearly and smile. He feels touched... ] Do you feel better?
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Mn. Maybe a little. But also kinda... angry.
[He bites his bottom lip with his two front teeth, dragging it into his mouth until he licks it forward to let go. Another (kind of) bad habit of his.]
Angry that you'd do something like that in general, I guess. I mean. Noctis didn't want that from you, and you implied that you were gonna take it from him anyway. Guys like that from the time I live in are considered the lowest of the low, y'know?
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Also boy, don't be biting your lip like that. THE FUCK? ]
Don't you have any faith in me...? I came to your rescue when you called, didn't I? [ Okay, so now he's going to move closer, lifting a leg so his foot is positioned on the first step leading up to the bed. Better start moving back, Ryuji. ]
I wouldn't do anything unless it was clear the other person wanted it. Do you understand the kind of man I am?
You thought you could have me play victim to your little childish game and then thought it was appropriate to place blame on me after I decided to have my own fun.
You insulted me.
I won't stand for it, again.
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Ryuji stands his ground, thinking that this conversation was going to go in one way, but drastically takes a sharp turn in another, and his eyebrows furrow downward. He was almost ready to move on and put this past them when he does... well, that, and his jaw slacks downward--- what. the...]
How... could've I known that it'd actually hurt you? You're goddamn near invincible. [He grips the staircase with his fingers, pushing hard against the material there and letting the sting of his grip enter him completely.] Which, oh, I dunno. Also makes you into this huge asshole with a completely warped view of the world.
[He'd probably be better off just telling him to leave, but since he -didn't- get his point across the first time, he thinks it's better to try again.]
It ain't harmless fun, you fuckin' numbskull, to go around like some dumb sl--- ["slut"] --asshole who thinks the entire world wants you just for being some storybook hero. Get a grip, dude. And I don't need your goddamn pride, either, so if you think I'm insulting, you're free to go.
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This, what the boy says to him right now, isn't as severe as anything that could leave a long lasting wound, but it's the equivalent of a slap to his cheek that stings long after its impact.
A storybook hero, huh?
For the entirety of the short life he'd led, this is what it all had been for. An entertaining story that some had never heard before, or cared to hear about.
He wanted to continue to be a hero. If Ryuji hadn't heard of him, then he could see his glory for himself and share in that pride, but it seems they've come to an impasse, one that might have been inevitable in hindsight. He's hooked on something that Achilles can't wrap his head around and can't begin to consider, but that is a difference in their experiences.
Withdrawing away, he shuts his eyes. Anger transitions, shifting from a simmering heat to a cold chill that runs down the length of his spine. He can't quite discern what he's angry about, or if he's more hurt and sorrowful than pissed. He's never been good at understanding his emotions, just knows how to feel and let it consume him. ]
To think you know what my intentions are and how I feel is a sign of arrogance in itself.
You'll see what you think you see. Your perception is limited by your own understanding of the world.
[ Then, he smiles, but it's sardonic at best. ]
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He can't, and won't understand.
Their definitions of what a hero is or isn't are too different.]
You're callin' me arrogant? [That's.
Ironic.
And makes Achilles a complete hypocrite in Ryuji's eyes.]
You... [He breathes through his nose, so frustrated that Achilles doesn't get it- still makes this about him.]
You know how I feel about you, and you think it'd be your own "fun" to play around with it. [God. He wants to crawl into a hole and die. Or at least find one of those weird ass hotspots and melt away for a few days.]
Just.... go, then. If you can't understand that, just. Leave me alone, then.
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Yeah, he'll try reaching out to him. To cup his face, or try to move his hand around the back of his neck so he can pull him closer. ]
I didn't want to hurt you.
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His throat feels tight, and he aims to keep some composure to himself.]
Tch... you think I wanted to hurt you?
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Maybe it's misdirected. Or maybe he has done something to earn this sort of lashing out. Whatever the case is, he's having to suspend his conflicting emotions, setting them aside because of his inclination to take care of others, if he cares about them.
He wonders if he's being foolish, or if he's just desperate to become attached to someone, to tether himself to this world. ]
No. I know you've got a good heart and if I'm your friend, I believe you wouldn't wish any harm on me. [ He's being truthful. He withdraws his hand after a moment, having figured that the gesture itself was enough to convince him of his sincerity. ]
Ryuji...
Could you tell me that you love me? Do you think you could come to appreciate me as a person, for all my flaws and my strengths?
Or am I just a storybook hero that you foolishly became infatuated with... Are you starting to realize that maybe I'm not the man you thought I was -- or wanted me to be.
Answer me honestly.
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But, in the same way that he's kept back a step from moving forward, it irks him that he had said some things in his anger that he regrets being brought to light. Ryuji laments the insult he slinged at Achilles- was it fair that he called him a faerie tale? A nursery rhyme for the Grecians of old, and a pain in the ass for kids who have to read thousands of lines of prose for school and not actually appreciate the realness behind the Achilles? Here he is, in all his glory, his rash, dumb, fierce glory, and Ryuji's eyes cast downward for a beat.
Love? He isn't even sure if he's capable of that. How unfair is that to Achilles.]
I uh... I don't know... how to love, really, so don't ask me that sorta thing. I've never been with a person to know what that feels like.
[It always comes off strange whenever Ryuji has to talk about his inner emotions. He always feels like he's not smart enough or eloquent enough to get the point across, an eternity of flaws laid into each of his words like he knew they'd come to bite him in the ass one day. But if anything, he's looking at Achilles- earnest as ever, unable to lie to him. Ryuji doesn't lie. It's just not a part of who he is. Achilles doesn't know that yet, but the demand to answer honestly was never necessary to begin with--]
Yea... I mean, you got the foolish part right, at least. 'M sorry for reducing you down to a story... I was just angry.
But... [He cups his hand against his neck, feeling a pit at stomach growing. He should choose his words carefully so that he doesn't give off the wrong impression.] Everyone's got their thing, y'know? Their Achilles' heel. But nobody wants to love a diamond. It's the flaws that make us who we are, for better or worse. And yeah. I guess...
I guess you're kinda like my own Achilles' heel, y'know?
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It's cute. Achilles smiles despite himself. But he's still hurt. He isn't sure how long it will take before he believes Ryuji doesn't think of him as just a character from a silly legend. ]
Then, if I mean anything to you, you should believe in me. [ Is this reasonable...? ] And trust me.
I don't want to made a fool for loving someone who might actually think so little of me.
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What are you looking at me like that for?
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[Sits there, rubbing the side of his face.
God, can he stop using the word love? It feels so weird hearing it come out of another person's mouth.]
If you want a direct answer, I thought I kinda gave it to you. A few times. I don't know what it is about you, but I'm weak around you.
And dude, stop saying that word. It's really weird in my culture.
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Maybe they haven't quite reached resolution, but this is good enough. ]
I hold all my friends dear to me. [ Is that so weird in his culture? Strange.
He reaches out, running his hand over the top of his head and pushing his bangs back. ] That includes you.
I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you.
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Friends?
Oh.
He blurts it out quickly, because it's the first thing that pops into his head:]
You think... what we have is friendship? [Ryuji.exe has failed to launch]
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[ This... hurt puppy look. ]
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No! I mean. Yeah, we're friends, dude.
[System message
You don't have enough guts to continue]
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Anyway, Achilles is trying to hug him now. ]
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Your friendship honours me. I'll cherish it. [ Very genuine.... and sincere. Please appreciate.
He'll let go eventually, letting Ryuji slip away from the cage of his arms so he can look at his face more clearly and smile. He feels touched... ] Do you feel better?
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Please do it. It's preferable to this embarrassing situation.]
I dunno 'bout that, I think you broke... a rib...
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You should eat more and build up some bulk. Then I can hold you even tighter.
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I have been tryin' to bulk up. [Look at that muscle mass! Approximately 3 inches in diameter, a bicep to behold.]
Aw... man, that's... uh. Yeah that's some good motivation right there. [Does he get sarcasm?]