[So, some things are harder to talk about than thinking about talking about them, that's for... pretty damn sure. Ryuji's head was filled with different ways this would go down, but nothing really preps him for the reaction, even when he knows Ren inside and out; or at least, he thought he did up until a week ago. How much else did he not see in his best friend?
He still wants to protect Ren, and even though it is probably (chicken shit), he does it because he can't be cruel to him. At least, not intentionally, and it's pretty rough to be in a position where you have all the power in the world to do so and a brain that's wired to say the worst things at the worst possible time.]
I... uh. Man, I never wanna make you cry. Since we're not in the habit of lying and shit, I just wanted to say that. Like... shit, you're the most important person to me in the entire world, yanno? [He bites the inside of his lip until it stings. What the hell was he supposed to be saying out of all of this? They're both in a better place now physically, having gotten some sleep and taken care of their bodies for a little bit.
But that part about him liking someone else still kind of stings, and he doesn't know why. Ren probably knows everything Ryuji's about to say, since it's... just who he is as a person, but maybe it needs to be said anyway.]
I never learned how to deal with feelings and emotions... you know that, right? Like. I grew up in a place where that sorta shit was all sortsa effed up. I coped with everything by... uh. Running? Like... both ways, kinda actually running and running away in the other sense.
[So the feelings he has toward someone else is also kind of terrifying and not really in a good way, either.]
I shoulda told you, man. Like, the second that I kinda knew it was a thing. Maybe I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have fucked up as much as I did? And it's not an excuse or anything, that thing I said about my home... but that's just kinda how I deal with shit. Like a wimp. [He scratches the back of his head. God, it's so hard to figure out what he's trying to say that he just ends up rambling- he really has no idea how to identify and explain the way he's... actually pretty messed up on the inside. It's like he knows he's damaged goods, here, but it's just pathetic to sit there and tell his best friend that.
But communication is important too? Maybe he's taken for granted how much he trusts Ren to know everything about him. And even if he does know all this shit, they should... they should be able to actually get into this type of conversation without needing a fucking compass to get through the most basic of things. Like, hey- I was abused my entire childhood, and honestly I don't really know how this shit is supposed to go down, since the only concept I have of love was ruined, and--- wait, this conversation shouldn't be happening in his head.]
You taught me what it feels like to be a part of something, to be loved. And uh, it's like. I don't really know how to take care of this sort of thing? The only example I ever had was what happened at home. So, I guess what I'm tryin' to say here, man, is that. Like. I love you? I really do. And I'm sorry I broke your heart.
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He still wants to protect Ren, and even though it is probably (chicken shit), he does it because he can't be cruel to him. At least, not intentionally, and it's pretty rough to be in a position where you have all the power in the world to do so and a brain that's wired to say the worst things at the worst possible time.]
I... uh. Man, I never wanna make you cry. Since we're not in the habit of lying and shit, I just wanted to say that. Like... shit, you're the most important person to me in the entire world, yanno? [He bites the inside of his lip until it stings. What the hell was he supposed to be saying out of all of this? They're both in a better place now physically, having gotten some sleep and taken care of their bodies for a little bit.
But that part about him liking someone else still kind of stings, and he doesn't know why. Ren probably knows everything Ryuji's about to say, since it's... just who he is as a person, but maybe it needs to be said anyway.]
I never learned how to deal with feelings and emotions... you know that, right? Like. I grew up in a place where that sorta shit was all sortsa effed up. I coped with everything by... uh. Running? Like... both ways, kinda actually running and running away in the other sense.
[So the feelings he has toward someone else is also kind of terrifying and not really in a good way, either.]
I shoulda told you, man. Like, the second that I kinda knew it was a thing. Maybe I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have fucked up as much as I did? And it's not an excuse or anything, that thing I said about my home... but that's just kinda how I deal with shit. Like a wimp. [He scratches the back of his head. God, it's so hard to figure out what he's trying to say that he just ends up rambling- he really has no idea how to identify and explain the way he's... actually pretty messed up on the inside. It's like he knows he's damaged goods, here, but it's just pathetic to sit there and tell his best friend that.
But communication is important too? Maybe he's taken for granted how much he trusts Ren to know everything about him. And even if he does know all this shit, they should... they should be able to actually get into this type of conversation without needing a fucking compass to get through the most basic of things. Like, hey- I was abused my entire childhood, and honestly I don't really know how this shit is supposed to go down, since the only concept I have of love was ruined, and--- wait, this conversation shouldn't be happening in his head.]
You taught me what it feels like to be a part of something, to be loved. And uh, it's like. I don't really know how to take care of this sort of thing? The only example I ever had was what happened at home. So, I guess what I'm tryin' to say here, man, is that. Like. I love you? I really do. And I'm sorry I broke your heart.