It's not like he'd go back just to do something for himself, but the allure of changing history to work out something that could've saved someone did have something behind it that felt almost right. He could've saved Akechi. It's a dumb, stupid thought that only lasts a minute, but... there's nothing about him that he'd change. Maybe relive the last few moments of that exchange, say something different, change the outcome to let someone continue on when they shouldn't have died. It's fleeting, though, and doesn't last, and the ramifications of that thought are unsettling.
But doing that would doom himself, in this world, living and breathing here, where he was sitting in a room with Dave talking about video games, existential crises, and the knowledge that, for the most part, it worked out somewhat okay. He looks over to the other, trying to gauge any insight to what was going on in the other's head as he explained, but it doesn't come to him naturally, so he sits and tries to sort out how he actually feels about that.]
Listen... I... [And it's complicated, really.] I'm not the type of guy who really cares what happens to himself. In my own world, I guess I kinda gave up caring about me and put the lives of others in front of me. [He looks down at his lap, not sure what he means to make or say out of all this.] If it meant bein' there for the people I care about, I'd just do it. Make it better for them.
I guess it's kinda a distorted way of thinking, huh? But I'm happy knowing... that what I did, even if it wasn't enough, was everything that I coulda given.
[He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth. Weird shit to think about.]
Personally, I think having a mastery over time travel means not actually using it. Like those old karate masters who sit around all peaceful-like in their dojos and snark at their students, at least until someone provokes them.
I have no idea if that's actually a thing or if that's just an idea I've got in my head, by the way. I might be thinkin' of Yoda, and maybe the karate masters are actually ringing up completely sweet ass whoopings 24/7. Like, just roundhouse kicking all the way to dinner, and through a sea of freshly pulverized skulls dumb enough to stand in the way.
[if there's anything readable at all in his expression, even with the shades hiding his eyes, it's weariness. it's a point he's tried arguing before, complete with another weird karate metaphor, and it's part of an argument attached to a memory that still stings.]
Look, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I get what you mean. But even though I don't really have much insight into your timeline, based on what you've told me, it's pretty safe for me to assume that it's the "right" one. If you had the chance to change something, whether it's through time travel or some other roundabout bullshit shenanigans, doing so at your own expense is bound to end in a way you're not expecting.
[time traveling always invites the risk of death, one way or the other. most of the time, it's his. oftentimes, it's others'.]
[but anyway, this is a very tl;dr way of saying, don't do something reckless and get yourself killed, Ryuji. because despite this whole spiel, and despite the fact that he would rather be the Yoda of time travel, Dave is also a complete hypocrite and will absolutely use time travel to save you.]
That's you, huh? I'm gonna come over one day and you're gonna be meditating and levitating 2 feet off the ground.
[He absolutely takes everything Dave says to him deeply to heart, even if his sense of displacement at how it makes him feel gets covered by a layer of humor.
God, he wouldn't be able to look at a dead version of himself and not get completely and utterly fucked in the head over it. One tiny change could alter everything. Stray him off a path that he was never meant for, or- was meant for all along because fuck time travel. That's really not how he envisioned life going. And Ryuji? He's a heart thief. He doesn't change the building blocks of time-space, he changes people.
And the more he sees that, the more he starts to see how personally Dave is actually talking. Not even from a philosophical kind of tutelage standpoint, but he can infer that someone only ever gains that knowledge by trial and error. How suffocated do you have to feel under the weight of knowing the "right" path to begin with?
He feels weirdly sentimental, for some reason.]
You're right. This is definitely the right one. I dunno, I just kind of feel it. I mean. If it wasn't...
I might not've met you.
[Adding on to that so it didn't sound so incredibly goddamn lame and cheesy-]
And then who would've come up to you passed out in the hall that day?
Jesus Christ, dude, you just set a new bar on lame.
[it's said with the same sort of fond cadence he has whenever he tosses a light jab at a friend. as he does. Dave's not always the type to be outwardly affectionate, not exactly, and not even toward people he loves dearly. but maybe one day he'll figure out how to be.]
[in any case, as serious a tone as most of their conversation has had, it feels just as natural to shift into something much more light-hearted and stupid. for a little while, at least, they can be just kids in tacky as fuck jumpsuits eating junk food and trading a bit of friendly snark. in this moment, at least, there's no ghosts, or the inevitabilities waiting for the both of them back home.]
If you really want the answer to that question, though? Probably someone a lot better at thumb wrestling.
[If his eyes could narrow any more, they'd pretty much cease to exist. His fists clench up in a ball as he propels himself off the desk he had been so firmly planted upon. This is Ryuji Sakamoto's earnest attempt at being an appreciative person, and to get so, so flagrantly brushed off like that! It's something he can't forgive.
He approaches, accusative in his posturing and ruthless in his methods. It's a lean in, a come-up that validates his true form (aggression) and it looks like he's about to take Dave fucking on, right here, right now. And then it's a pillow in his hands, Ren's to be exact, that he draws back away from the other, only to throw it like a softball right at him.
This asshole!!!]
Just you freakin' wait. I'm gonna work on these muscles day in and day out, and when I get that goddamn rematch, you're gonna eat those words.
[Thumb muscles.
Because those definitely exist. And he's going to be so swole, Dave won't ever see it coming. And the trick to being a truly menacing figure is not to find yourself smiling through it, but, well. Ryuji ain't perfect.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's not like he'd go back just to do something for himself, but the allure of changing history to work out something that could've saved someone did have something behind it that felt almost right. He could've saved Akechi. It's a dumb, stupid thought that only lasts a minute, but... there's nothing about him that he'd change. Maybe relive the last few moments of that exchange, say something different, change the outcome to let someone continue on when they shouldn't have died. It's fleeting, though, and doesn't last, and the ramifications of that thought are unsettling.
But doing that would doom himself, in this world, living and breathing here, where he was sitting in a room with Dave talking about video games, existential crises, and the knowledge that, for the most part, it worked out somewhat okay. He looks over to the other, trying to gauge any insight to what was going on in the other's head as he explained, but it doesn't come to him naturally, so he sits and tries to sort out how he actually feels about that.]
Listen... I... [And it's complicated, really.] I'm not the type of guy who really cares what happens to himself. In my own world, I guess I kinda gave up caring about me and put the lives of others in front of me. [He looks down at his lap, not sure what he means to make or say out of all this.] If it meant bein' there for the people I care about, I'd just do it. Make it better for them.
I guess it's kinda a distorted way of thinking, huh? But I'm happy knowing... that what I did, even if it wasn't enough, was everything that I coulda given.
[He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth. Weird shit to think about.]
Pretty sure I'd make a real bad time mage.
no subject
Personally, I think having a mastery over time travel means not actually using it. Like those old karate masters who sit around all peaceful-like in their dojos and snark at their students, at least until someone provokes them.
I have no idea if that's actually a thing or if that's just an idea I've got in my head, by the way. I might be thinkin' of Yoda, and maybe the karate masters are actually ringing up completely sweet ass whoopings 24/7. Like, just roundhouse kicking all the way to dinner, and through a sea of freshly pulverized skulls dumb enough to stand in the way.
[if there's anything readable at all in his expression, even with the shades hiding his eyes, it's weariness. it's a point he's tried arguing before, complete with another weird karate metaphor, and it's part of an argument attached to a memory that still stings.]
Look, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I get what you mean. But even though I don't really have much insight into your timeline, based on what you've told me, it's pretty safe for me to assume that it's the "right" one. If you had the chance to change something, whether it's through time travel or some other roundabout bullshit shenanigans, doing so at your own expense is bound to end in a way you're not expecting.
[time traveling always invites the risk of death, one way or the other. most of the time, it's his. oftentimes, it's others'.]
[but anyway, this is a very tl;dr way of saying, don't do something reckless and get yourself killed, Ryuji. because despite this whole spiel, and despite the fact that he would rather be the Yoda of time travel, Dave is also a complete hypocrite and will absolutely use time travel to save you.]
no subject
[He absolutely takes everything Dave says to him deeply to heart, even if his sense of displacement at how it makes him feel gets covered by a layer of humor.
God, he wouldn't be able to look at a dead version of himself and not get completely and utterly fucked in the head over it. One tiny change could alter everything. Stray him off a path that he was never meant for, or- was meant for all along because fuck time travel. That's really not how he envisioned life going. And Ryuji? He's a heart thief. He doesn't change the building blocks of time-space, he changes people.
And the more he sees that, the more he starts to see how personally Dave is actually talking. Not even from a philosophical kind of tutelage standpoint, but he can infer that someone only ever gains that knowledge by trial and error. How suffocated do you have to feel under the weight of knowing the "right" path to begin with?
He feels weirdly sentimental, for some reason.]
You're right. This is definitely the right one. I dunno, I just kind of feel it. I mean. If it wasn't...
I might not've met you.
[Adding on to that so it didn't sound so incredibly goddamn lame and cheesy-]
And then who would've come up to you passed out in the hall that day?
[Wait, that's probably worse.]
no subject
[it's said with the same sort of fond cadence he has whenever he tosses a light jab at a friend. as he does. Dave's not always the type to be outwardly affectionate, not exactly, and not even toward people he loves dearly. but maybe one day he'll figure out how to be.]
[in any case, as serious a tone as most of their conversation has had, it feels just as natural to shift into something much more light-hearted and stupid. for a little while, at least, they can be just kids in tacky as fuck jumpsuits eating junk food and trading a bit of friendly snark. in this moment, at least, there's no ghosts, or the inevitabilities waiting for the both of them back home.]
If you really want the answer to that question, though? Probably someone a lot better at thumb wrestling.
[there's just two really big idiots.]
no subject
[If his eyes could narrow any more, they'd pretty much cease to exist. His fists clench up in a ball as he propels himself off the desk he had been so firmly planted upon. This is Ryuji Sakamoto's earnest attempt at being an appreciative person, and to get so, so flagrantly brushed off like that! It's something he can't forgive.
He approaches, accusative in his posturing and ruthless in his methods. It's a lean in, a come-up that validates his true form (aggression) and it looks like he's about to take Dave fucking on, right here, right now. And then it's a pillow in his hands, Ren's to be exact, that he draws back away from the other, only to throw it like a softball right at him.
This asshole!!!]
Just you freakin' wait. I'm gonna work on these muscles day in and day out, and when I get that goddamn rematch, you're gonna eat those words.
[Thumb muscles.
Because those definitely exist. And he's going to be so swole, Dave won't ever see it coming. And the trick to being a truly menacing figure is not to find yourself smiling through it, but, well. Ryuji ain't perfect.]