I don't want you to treat him like a project. I wanted to know that he had a friend who was good at being a friend.
It's fine. [it's not] You hit a button. This is the kind of thing I meant about being no good at talking things out, or being reassuring. We don't have to be friends for me to trust that you're kind to Hinata.
[Frowning at the message, Ryuji does feel kind of shitty now, once Erika admits that he dug into an insecurity. As someone chock full of those, and someone prone to outbursts all too easily, he knows what it's like.
One day, maybe he'll learn some better patience.]
Yeah. I will, promise.
And sorry.
About pissing you off. I'm kinda good at doing that to people. I didn't wanna hit any buttons. Somehow this got way turned upside down. Like I said, I just wanted to offer you the same kinda thing I'd do for Hinata, y'know?
And, like obviously, you're right. We don't have to be friends if you don't want to.
I said it's fine. It happens. There's nothing that unusual about what you said.
I'm not opposed to the idea. I just can't jump into friendship right away like that, a stranger being overfamiliar doesn't make them not a stranger anymore. It feels fake, and I hate faking things.
You probably don't wanna hear it, but I used to be the same way. After my track coach broke my leg I became like a social uh... pari...
Pariah?
Whew, no idea where I pulled that one outta
Anyway, yeah. I thought everyone out there was out to get me and that even having one friend was bullshit. Till I met some people that really changed everything.
Not saying that it's me, and I'm probably too forward and shit, sorry that's just how I tend to handle stuff. But... I can tell ya it ain't fake from me. I can't even lie that well.
Oh my god I'm such a dick, sorry, I keep rambling at you like this.
I don't mind. It's enlightening. Reading doesn't cost me anything.
A few years ago I was in the hospital for a while and it wasn't something I could hide from people. Whenever they find that out about you, they start treating you like you're fragile, but somehow it ends with you taking on the burden of all their upset. It burns you out. Even sincere feelings have unintended consequences. And everything you touch gets all tangled up in your own problems.
So even when it's real, it's hard to keep up with. Doing favors for people is easier. The payoff is more reliable. It's not about thinking you don't need friends, it's about working within your limits.
Shit, that sucks. I never really had anyone but mom with me back at the hospital when it happened, and now that you mention it, I'm kinda glad it was that way. It sucks when people fuss over you too much
But hey, that's the whole point of bein' human, right? Like, if you break your ass, you heal and it grows stronger. If anyone's treating you like your fragile, screw em. Better to show em how untrue that shit is.
Still, it feels kinda rough. Thinking in terms of gains or losses. You end up just goin' back and forth and keeping tallies, but when you're friends with someone long enough it almost feels impossible to keep track of
Shit, my best friend, Ren. He's saved my ass more times than I can even count. And me, his. That's how it's been between us.
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It's fine. [it's not] You hit a button. This is the kind of thing I meant about being no good at talking things out, or being reassuring. We don't have to be friends for me to trust that you're kind to Hinata.
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One day, maybe he'll learn some better patience.]
Yeah. I will, promise.
And sorry.
About pissing you off. I'm kinda good at doing that to people. I didn't wanna hit any buttons. Somehow this got way turned upside down. Like I said, I just wanted to offer you the same kinda thing I'd do for Hinata, y'know?
And, like obviously, you're right. We don't have to be friends if you don't want to.
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I'm not opposed to the idea. I just can't jump into friendship right away like that, a stranger being overfamiliar doesn't make them not a stranger anymore. It feels fake, and I hate faking things.
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You probably don't wanna hear it, but I used to be the same way. After my track coach broke my leg I became like a social uh... pari...
Pariah?
Whew, no idea where I pulled that one outta
Anyway, yeah. I thought everyone out there was out to get me and that even having one friend was bullshit. Till I met some people that really changed everything.
Not saying that it's me, and I'm probably too forward and shit, sorry that's just how I tend to handle stuff. But... I can tell ya it ain't fake from me. I can't even lie that well.
Oh my god I'm such a dick, sorry, I keep rambling at you like this.
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I don't mind. It's enlightening. Reading doesn't cost me anything.
A few years ago I was in the hospital for a while and it wasn't something I could hide from people. Whenever they find that out about you, they start treating you like you're fragile, but somehow it ends with you taking on the burden of all their upset. It burns you out. Even sincere feelings have unintended consequences. And everything you touch gets all tangled up in your own problems.
So even when it's real, it's hard to keep up with. Doing favors for people is easier. The payoff is more reliable. It's not about thinking you don't need friends, it's about working within your limits.
Speaking of paying things back.
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But hey, that's the whole point of bein' human, right? Like, if you break your ass, you heal and it grows stronger. If anyone's treating you like your fragile, screw em. Better to show em how untrue that shit is.
Still, it feels kinda rough. Thinking in terms of gains or losses. You end up just goin' back and forth and keeping tallies, but when you're friends with someone long enough it almost feels impossible to keep track of
Shit, my best friend, Ren. He's saved my ass more times than I can even count. And me, his. That's how it's been between us.
Hm, payback?
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You told me something personal, I told you something personal. Or you made me read that, I make you read this. Whatever way you want to look at it.
It was just a joke. Don't wind yourself up over it.
Is Ren "joker" on the network?
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Eh, doesn't register.]
Yeah, that's his network ID.
He's a cool guy and also a helluva lot better at talking to people than I am
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We'll talk some other time. Thanks for hearing me out.