[He laughs, a short bark of surprised laughter even as he feigns a mortal wound from that shove, falling back to the blankets on deck. Yeah, even if this is some kind of crazy secret... he knows his life isn't actually in danger from Ryuji of all people.]
Right, of course. I'd expect no less from Ryuji Sakamoto, Ace Phantom Thief.
[Now that he's laying down, though, he doesn't bother to push himself back up at first. Instead, he's looking back out the window.]
No turning back, huh...?
...Hey, do you think we'll actually be able to go home? Honestly.
[Ryuji doesn't move, still sitting up, fingers playing with the blanket below him as an act of typical fidgeting that's pretty much noticeable to anyone that pays attention.]
Heh, yeah. Ace Phantom Thief, huh? Sounds like somethin' you'd read right outta manga or something like that.
[As unlikely as it was that he would be someone to wind up even in this squad of antiheroes... a fact that he never dwells on or thinks about is... that group wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for Ryuji. He believes Ren is the responsible one for all their achievements, only thinking that he played a side-by-side support role. But if it weren't for Ryuji's enthusiasm and unbending will, they wouldn't have continued on at all. They wouldn't have even gotten to the point of stealing Kamoshida's heart to begin with. So, he sits there, in front of Hajime, unwilling to accept the world as it is.]
Yeah. We'll be able to go home. [It's softer said than his usually brusque, overly confident timbre.] I dunno how far away that is, but. Hey... if you want to change the world, all you gotta do is look at it a different way, y'know? If you give up believin', then that's the world you're gonna create.
[Hajime doesn't know their group well enough to realize that yet, but he does truly think Ryuji's a protagonist-like character. The kind of person Hajime would like to think he'd be, if he were someone more confident; the kind of person who befriends people quickly, who listens to them, talks to them, keeps them sane. Maybe not entirely like Ryuji (he can say fuck and yet not be totally crass about everything else), but without getting too sappy, he's inspirational.
But he doesn't answer immediately, just humming quietly, a little doubtfully. It's fine for Ryuji to say these kinds of things, when he's already been able to make great strides back home. For Hajime? The idea of going against the system from the outside just seems like an easy way to get swept under the rug. No one would care if one Reserve Course student disappeared.]
I... had a chance to do something about it, [he says finally, a confession to the stars outside the glass than to Ryuji's face.] But it's too late now. I've been here too long.
[The real brains of the operation is so obviously Ren, it's painful for anyone to think that Ryuji has the qualities that it takes to be in any sort of position of leadership. This is also the kid who wanted to join a sport and then signed up for the most selfish one out there- running, where your only objective is to be better than everyone else around you. Too much competition. Not enough ability to say fuck (there's a reason, but it's locked behind a lot of other complicated feelings about his childhood, and how hearing that word being screamed makes him inexplicably uneasy).
And maybe the Reserve course wouldn't give a single care as to whether or not something happened to Hajime, but Ryuji would. He'd fight off the entire staff if it came down to it. He realizes that too, even sitting there as Hajime starts to talk about the program- he has an inclination to protect his friends that runs deep in his veins.]
You think so? [It doesn't sit right with him, that line of thought.] Ren and I come from different points in time. Who's to say that once we get outta this mess that you're not gonna be just teleported back to the moment you left? Like. Mid piss, if that's what you were doin'.
[That's not how time works, he wants to protest. Time has obviously passed, Hope's Peak Academy has moved on. But... that weird Gundam Tanaka guy had thought they were friends. He'd thought Hajime was someone with talent. So maybe...
Does he still want that? His heart beats faster, a cold sweat prickling his palms. He'd wanted to tell Chiaki about it, but couldn't muster the resolve. That familiar anxiety is threatening to take over again.
But he has to say something before his silence makes Ryuji suspicious.]
That does sound about right for what this place would do to us, [he remarks a few seconds late, managing to keep his tone dry.] Finally get home, pee all over yourself.
[...No. Ryuji wouldn't understand why he'd accepted the Project. Hajime could explain why being someone talented matters more than anything else until he's blue in the face, and he doesn't think Ryuji would understand at all.]
Maybe turning over my communicator would cover my tuition fees, too. You never know.
[So Hajime was experiencing something that Ryuji had too. If he ever finds out, he has a few words of advice to tell him, passed down from Dave, about anything related to time. Mostly just to make sure that Gundam shuts the hell up about it and doesn't tell him about anything.
And it's a good question to ask himself internally; something similar is on his mind, brewing in the background. He's not filled to the brim with any particular parting wisdom or anything like that, but he knows a thing or two about purpose and whether or not feelings can change by changing perspectives and scene.]
If you ain't wet your pants here yet, the station's gonna find one last hoorah to say "eff you" right at that last moment.
[Gross.]
So let's say we spend like... 3 years here, or something. Old enough for you to mentally be in college, right? You shoulda been taking entrance exams, crammin' your ass off, that sorta stuff. But so much happens here and you end up a different person 'cause of it.
Three years... I can't even imagine spending another month here, let alone a year. Let alone three years.
[That wasn't the point, and he knows it. But it just keeps playing on a loop. Three years or more, and then... winding back up in his normal life, as if nothing had changed.
He throws his arm over his eyes.]
If that was supposed to make me feel better, it really didn't, [he says just as dryly as before.] If you're right, and we really are going to end up back where we were... that's almost worse than thinking the world moved on without us, isn't it?
[He reaches over, contentiously moving his hands away from his eyes- touching, for the first time since he offered to give him a back rub to help him fall asleep. If they're going to have a heart to heart over something, he wants to see Hajime's face.]
What I'm sayin' is that the person you go back to is different, even if the scenery ain't. When you get to that point, make sure you don't have regrets, y'know? You might not want the same things you did before you came here.
[He doesn't know if that's the right answer either. He was taken right before he went to go fight god, which, okay- that was pretty wild- but he knows a few things already since his time as an operator on this station.]
For example, right? I know I'm gonna be a better person for meetin' you. You're gonna end up affectin' me a lot more than you think, yeah?
[Hajime doesn't resist having his arm tugged away from his eyes, though he does kind of give Ryuji a bit of an exasperated look. Again with the breach of his personal space, the casual familiarity. He doesn't know if he'll ever get used to it... but there's a part of him that would like to. That it's not bad to have that kind of connection to someone.
His heart thuds uncomfortably in his chest at what Ryuji's saying, though. Don't have regrets... is it? It's powerful in a way he can't describe, like permission to just do whatever he wants to do. Screw anyone who says he can't, because he's ordinary. Because once he goes back... if Ryuji's right, if they will go back to when they left, then it's already too late. He's already signed himself over to them. Because even if he can try to live without regrets here... there's no way he can do it at home.
He opens his mouth to say so, but Ryuji's already continuing, and his heart beats a little faster. A mystified,] Eh? [slips out before he can silence it.
Then he laughs, trying to mask the flush that's coloring to his cheeks.] You only get to say that if you know it goes both ways, you know.
[It's true, the closest Hajime can come to admitting it right now. Without Ryuji, he'd... well, he'd not be in the kind of mental state he's in right now, willing to take small steps to push the envelope in ways he's been denied. Maybe that's not totally a good thing, because it reminds him what he can't have at home, but right here, on this station, it's...]
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no subject
Right, of course. I'd expect no less from Ryuji Sakamoto, Ace Phantom Thief.
[Now that he's laying down, though, he doesn't bother to push himself back up at first. Instead, he's looking back out the window.]
No turning back, huh...?
...Hey, do you think we'll actually be able to go home? Honestly.
no subject
Heh, yeah. Ace Phantom Thief, huh? Sounds like somethin' you'd read right outta manga or something like that.
[As unlikely as it was that he would be someone to wind up even in this squad of antiheroes... a fact that he never dwells on or thinks about is... that group wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for Ryuji. He believes Ren is the responsible one for all their achievements, only thinking that he played a side-by-side support role. But if it weren't for Ryuji's enthusiasm and unbending will, they wouldn't have continued on at all. They wouldn't have even gotten to the point of stealing Kamoshida's heart to begin with. So, he sits there, in front of Hajime, unwilling to accept the world as it is.]
Yeah. We'll be able to go home. [It's softer said than his usually brusque, overly confident timbre.] I dunno how far away that is, but. Hey... if you want to change the world, all you gotta do is look at it a different way, y'know? If you give up believin', then that's the world you're gonna create.
no subject
But he doesn't answer immediately, just humming quietly, a little doubtfully. It's fine for Ryuji to say these kinds of things, when he's already been able to make great strides back home. For Hajime? The idea of going against the system from the outside just seems like an easy way to get swept under the rug. No one would care if one Reserve Course student disappeared.]
I... had a chance to do something about it, [he says finally, a confession to the stars outside the glass than to Ryuji's face.] But it's too late now. I've been here too long.
no subject
And maybe the Reserve course wouldn't give a single care as to whether or not something happened to Hajime, but Ryuji would. He'd fight off the entire staff if it came down to it. He realizes that too, even sitting there as Hajime starts to talk about the program- he has an inclination to protect his friends that runs deep in his veins.]
You think so? [It doesn't sit right with him, that line of thought.] Ren and I come from different points in time. Who's to say that once we get outta this mess that you're not gonna be just teleported back to the moment you left? Like. Mid piss, if that's what you were doin'.
no subject
Does he still want that? His heart beats faster, a cold sweat prickling his palms. He'd wanted to tell Chiaki about it, but couldn't muster the resolve. That familiar anxiety is threatening to take over again.
But he has to say something before his silence makes Ryuji suspicious.]
That does sound about right for what this place would do to us, [he remarks a few seconds late, managing to keep his tone dry.] Finally get home, pee all over yourself.
[...No. Ryuji wouldn't understand why he'd accepted the Project. Hajime could explain why being someone talented matters more than anything else until he's blue in the face, and he doesn't think Ryuji would understand at all.]
Maybe turning over my communicator would cover my tuition fees, too. You never know.
no subject
And it's a good question to ask himself internally; something similar is on his mind, brewing in the background. He's not filled to the brim with any particular parting wisdom or anything like that, but he knows a thing or two about purpose and whether or not feelings can change by changing perspectives and scene.]
If you ain't wet your pants here yet, the station's gonna find one last hoorah to say "eff you" right at that last moment.
[Gross.]
So let's say we spend like... 3 years here, or something. Old enough for you to mentally be in college, right? You shoulda been taking entrance exams, crammin' your ass off, that sorta stuff. But so much happens here and you end up a different person 'cause of it.
no subject
[That wasn't the point, and he knows it. But it just keeps playing on a loop. Three years or more, and then... winding back up in his normal life, as if nothing had changed.
He throws his arm over his eyes.]
If that was supposed to make me feel better, it really didn't, [he says just as dryly as before.] If you're right, and we really are going to end up back where we were... that's almost worse than thinking the world moved on without us, isn't it?
no subject
[He reaches over, contentiously moving his hands away from his eyes- touching, for the first time since he offered to give him a back rub to help him fall asleep. If they're going to have a heart to heart over something, he wants to see Hajime's face.]
What I'm sayin' is that the person you go back to is different, even if the scenery ain't. When you get to that point, make sure you don't have regrets, y'know? You might not want the same things you did before you came here.
[He doesn't know if that's the right answer either. He was taken right before he went to go fight god, which, okay- that was pretty wild- but he knows a few things already since his time as an operator on this station.]
For example, right? I know I'm gonna be a better person for meetin' you. You're gonna end up affectin' me a lot more than you think, yeah?
no subject
His heart thuds uncomfortably in his chest at what Ryuji's saying, though. Don't have regrets... is it? It's powerful in a way he can't describe, like permission to just do whatever he wants to do. Screw anyone who says he can't, because he's ordinary. Because once he goes back... if Ryuji's right, if they will go back to when they left, then it's already too late. He's already signed himself over to them. Because even if he can try to live without regrets here... there's no way he can do it at home.
He opens his mouth to say so, but Ryuji's already continuing, and his heart beats a little faster. A mystified,] Eh? [slips out before he can silence it.
Then he laughs, trying to mask the flush that's coloring to his cheeks.] You only get to say that if you know it goes both ways, you know.
[It's true, the closest Hajime can come to admitting it right now. Without Ryuji, he'd... well, he'd not be in the kind of mental state he's in right now, willing to take small steps to push the envelope in ways he's been denied. Maybe that's not totally a good thing, because it reminds him what he can't have at home, but right here, on this station, it's...]
Thanks, Ryuji.