[Oh... huh. He's met a few shadows before, seen what lays beneath the layers of people and how genuinely horrible they can be. But he's never seen a shadow behave like Dave's. He feels like it's an outlier of sorts, and... honestly]
I wouldn't say Dave's is the norm, dude. And who knows, it's probably completely chill with other people approaching it, but because it's me... Eh, you get where I'm goin' with this.
True self is also kinda a weird thing to think about, since. Us persona users don't have shadows, right? But I don't think that any of us particularly had our shit together. We're just more inclined to deal with those problems, or something.
And even if you don't ever manifest a mask, that's. You know. It's cool, too. But just because it ain't like, a PHYSICAL MASK you can peel off, you still wear one. Everybody does. There are things you think or things you know that you probably don't want people to know about. That's, like, completely normal dude. It's impossible to go through life without one, is what I'm tryin' to say. But if you get too attached to that shit, then it also makes it really hard to grow as a person.
Man, I'm probably talkin' your ear off, sorry man.
But I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Dave, I guess. That it takes time. The easy solution's stealin' a person's heart and taking their masks away from them so that they can't hide anymore. But that ain't always the right way to go. You gotta work through shit and that's cool. It's completely okay to not be okay.
Futaba had a shadow before becoming a persona user. She was our group's hacker, but like, it took a while to figure out what was going on with her. She locked herself up in her room and we had to save her from memories of her mom so that she could move on.
Dude...
I would never do that
Stealing hearts is a last resort. I figure... being a real hero is knowing how to use restraint in the face of taking the easy way outta shit. What's good having powers if you can destroy whatever you touch, y'know?
i'm glad more of your friends aren't here so they don't have to go through all this bullshit, but still... i wish i could meet them.
and... thanks. i figured it went without saying, but, like... idk it's stupid to say outloud, but i want my choices to be my own. even if they're stupid decisions, or even if i've made a choice everyone i know would hate, i don't want to doubt that it's my decision, you know?
i like your description of a hero though
[Even if he's already made that decision, and it can't be changed, he doesn't want to regret it just because someone else thinks he should.
To Hajime, Ryuji is a real hero already. But he won't say so, not like this.]
It's super goddamn selfish of me but I wish I could take you back to my Tokyo. I dunno, maybe I just don't wanna think about what life would be like without you around at this point. Too sappy? Way too damn sappy. I'll cut back on the levels of maple syrup drip that's currently stickin' all over my hands right now.
But also, I think it's gotta be said that like
I ain't really great at all this hero shit to begin with
[He's really not that great of a person, Hajime... he knows that. When it comes down to it, he'll use those powers to stop people from being hurt, their choice to do it or not. He said last resort, but the last resort option has been the same path that he's had to take almost every step of the way.
If Hajime had a palace, this would be a very different discussion. But that's not the case here, the things that are holding him back are problems of his own devices. And in this case, protecting Hajime is the same as making sure nothing touches his heart in the Metaverse. It's all about perspective, which is why the Phantom Thieves operate in a pocket that represents an avenger's understanding of justice. He just... doesn't know how to convey that to Hajime the right way.]
Hey, at least the next time the gravity gets all shitted up around here, you know where my ass will be. Covered in stuck, premium levels of it. Ain't moving a goddamn inch.
Not a problem, dude. I overshare pretty regularly.
well that's a relief. can't have you floating away now
[And that's all the reply he gets for-- several minutes. Hajime's teeth worry at his lower lip as he tries to think about how, exactly, he wants to respond to that question. Ryuji has shared everything with him, it feels like, and yet...]
the hope's peak board of directors asked me to participate in a special project. i need to go back to do it
[When the silence hits for longer than a minute, he figures that he won't push. Whatever it was, considering their flow of conversation was cut abruptly there... it's probably something that means a lot to Hajime. It's cool, he really doesn't mind.]
Man... if your only reason for going back was to do some dumb after school program I'm gonna kick your ass and drag you with me anyway
*hajime hinata voice* if only........ i had TALENT......
but it's something only i can do. i'm sure it's the reason why tanaka thought i was part of his class, there's no other explanation for that
when i first got to this station, i thought this was part of that project, somehow. tbh sometimes i still think that maybe it is part of it, and it's some elaborate scenario to test me, but there's no way that's possible. there's way too much evidence against it at this point.
as fucked up as this station is, though... as important as the project is, idk if i want to go back if it means saying goodbye to you and all the others.
crap, i'm going to be the one standing in maple syrup if i keep that up, so don't think about it too much
There's probably a bunch of reasons that Gundam thought you were part of his class. Have you like, asked him, maybe? For all you know it could be like, some bullshit alternate universe or something.
Yeah, nah. No offense or anything but that sorta testing is way beyond a school's budget. Shit, Kawakami-sensei had to moonlight as a maid to make ends meet or some shit like that
[A pause, because Hajime struck a chord with Ryuji that he had felt but was way, way too chicken shit to affirm. Because leaving here would mean...]
Wait, really?
You ain't shitting me, right dude?
Because sometimes I kinda feel the same way and it's really fucking weird.
c'mon, what are the odds of that? the way people get to this station is messed up, but there's no reason to bring me and tanaka from something like that. it makes more sense to think he is from my future... in that case, i'm going to have to be a part of that island-trip, too.
gundam said the hinata he knew had just... forgotten his talent. or said he had, anyway. meaning either i lied to them all, and they believed something stupid like that for some reason, or it's true, and i do have a talent after all. they wouldn't put a normal kid like me with a group of shsls unless there was a reason for it
...hang on, did you say one of your teachers was also a MAID??
[What.... the fuck]
but yeah, it is weird, isn't it? i mean, it sucks here. something or someone is actively trying to kill us.
but if i never came here, i'd never have met you or haru or erika or ezra or anyone else here. idk it's weird to say but
If you're askin' if Gundam's the type of dude who will lie to protect you I'm gonna point to a big fuckin sign that says ABSOLUTELY YES so I dunno what to believe here man
[God, Hajime and Dave have such bad potty mouths.
Affecting a soft, good boy like this into following down their dirty, sinful paths.]
Yeah, maid
What's the point anyway, we keep on surviving even if we end up dying. Kinda stupid if you ask me. Like, thanks? I guess. Whoever's reading this. Yeah you know I'm talkin to you. Come down here and fight me.
Anyway
Yeah I know what you mean.
Back home I didn't really have my shit together. But being here with you guys... it's kinda hard to put it the right way. But I feel more like... me? More free when I'm around you. And of course, yeah. I don't wanna say goodbye to Dave.
you're right... idk what to think about it anymore
also you know that's like, really not normal, right
dude don't antagonize them!! they really don't need a target!!
i miss nanami from home, she's a really, really important person to me, but i barely got the chance to know her. i've been with you guys... hell, it's been almost half a year by now, hasn't it?
and... yeah. i know what you mean. it's like... being free from other people's expectations, right?
yeah must be, idk why i didn't just assume that was the norm
i can't believe you're going to be 18 either, i'd definitely have thought you'd be rounding your fifth birthday. you look good for your age, old man
but yeah, that makes sense, i guess. if we do end up going back, it's going to be really weird to do it
chiaki nanami is the super high school level gamer. she's one of tanaka's classmates, but she and i were able to become friends since we both liked video games. before i came here, she's the only person who thought that my lack of talent was a good thing.
i really wish you could meet her. she's incredible
it is weird to think you're older than me, though. i mean, i've still got a couple more months until my birthday. it's january 1st do everyone always forgets about it lol
there's no way you'd beat her, but she'd love to play you, i'm sure. she could always tell when i was distracted playing gala omega with her...
i guess, the only good thing is i was able to say goodbye to her before i came here. that's just the way things ended up working out. so even if you're wrong, and we don't end up exactly where (when?) we last were before waking up on this station, i don't have to regret it
you're veering into sap territory again, dude. idk if i can explain how much saying something like that means to me
No way man, everyone is celebrating your birthday on 1/1. New year, new you, am I right?
[He mentally ticks off the piece of information. He'll have to make sure to do something for it.]
Makes sense. Anyone who's serious about something can always tell if you ain't as serious about it as them. Like if you're on a track team and someone's times are off, you know something's goin' on.
Time's a weird freaking thing to think about. Like... Joker came from a point past where I was in my own home world. But in his memories, I was there. But I haven't been through that shit yet, I'm here, y'know! So like, does that mean we were from alternate universes, or did everything just stand still, and everything's just frozen, waiting for us to come home. Or worse, I guess. Maybe we're just copies that got sucked outta the past and thrown here.
[He's still pretty sure Ryuji will forget it. Not on purpose! That's just not how forgetting things goes. Besides, "New Year" is just another normal day on this station, probably. Hopefully. ]
idk man. if it weren't for his and tanaka's side of things, we'd have no idea what was going on back home at all. it's all the future to us.
it could be possible that whatever brought us here tampered with our memories... like, maybe you DID go through all of that with him, but when you got here, you somehow lost your memory of it. like how tanaka was saying their memories of hope's peak were taken from them
talking in circles about that kind of stuff isn't going to get us anywhere, though. for now, i guess we should try to focus on the stuff we can actually affect and understand
Except... I dunno, if I were a few months older, you wouldn't think that I'd feel it or something? I mean, 4 months ain't that much, but. Nothing. No muscle change, even though I knew I was workin' out every day and shit. No new bruises, scars. Same old leg injury. Even if my memories are gone, wouldn't my body be at least a little bit stronger? Or like, I shouldn't even really be able to summon my persona if that were the case. We destroyed Mementos. We did everything we had to do to make Tokyo safe. At least, that's what he said.
But yeah, you're right. There are things we can be doing and things we should do going forward.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I wouldn't say Dave's is the norm, dude. And who knows, it's probably completely chill with other people approaching it, but because it's me... Eh, you get where I'm goin' with this.
True self is also kinda a weird thing to think about, since. Us persona users don't have shadows, right? But I don't think that any of us particularly had our shit together. We're just more inclined to deal with those problems, or something.
And even if you don't ever manifest a mask, that's. You know. It's cool, too. But just because it ain't like, a PHYSICAL MASK you can peel off, you still wear one. Everybody does. There are things you think or things you know that you probably don't want people to know about. That's, like, completely normal dude. It's impossible to go through life without one, is what I'm tryin' to say. But if you get too attached to that shit, then it also makes it really hard to grow as a person.
Man, I'm probably talkin' your ear off, sorry man.
But I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Dave, I guess. That it takes time. The easy solution's stealin' a person's heart and taking their masks away from them so that they can't hide anymore. But that ain't always the right way to go. You gotta work through shit and that's cool. It's completely okay to not be okay.
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...but if i find it, the fact that it exists means i definitely won't be able to use a persona like you and haru, huh?
hey. can you promise me something?
just... don't ever try to steal my heart
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Dude...
I would never do that
Stealing hearts is a last resort. I figure... being a real hero is knowing how to use restraint in the face of taking the easy way outta shit. What's good having powers if you can destroy whatever you touch, y'know?
no subject
and... thanks. i figured it went without saying, but, like... idk it's stupid to say outloud, but i want my choices to be my own. even if they're stupid decisions, or even if i've made a choice everyone i know would hate, i don't want to doubt that it's my decision, you know?
i like your description of a hero though
[Even if he's already made that decision, and it can't be changed, he doesn't want to regret it just because someone else thinks he should.
To Hajime, Ryuji is a real hero already. But he won't say so, not like this.]
no subject
But also, I think it's gotta be said that like
I ain't really great at all this hero shit to begin with
[He's really not that great of a person, Hajime... he knows that. When it comes down to it, he'll use those powers to stop people from being hurt, their choice to do it or not. He said last resort, but the last resort option has been the same path that he's had to take almost every step of the way.
If Hajime had a palace, this would be a very different discussion. But that's not the case here, the things that are holding him back are problems of his own devices. And in this case, protecting Hajime is the same as making sure nothing touches his heart in the Metaverse. It's all about perspective, which is why the Phantom Thieves operate in a pocket that represents an avenger's understanding of justice. He just... doesn't know how to convey that to Hajime the right way.]
no subject
but you know? i almost want to go to your tokyo with you. if i didn't have something i had to do in my tokyo, i probably would try to go with you.
but... thanks, ryuji. seriously. i don't even want to think about what this station would be like without you, "great hero" or not
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Not a problem, dude. I overshare pretty regularly.
What'd you have left to do in Tokyo?
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[And that's all the reply he gets for-- several minutes. Hajime's teeth worry at his lower lip as he tries to think about how, exactly, he wants to respond to that question. Ryuji has shared everything with him, it feels like, and yet...]
the hope's peak board of directors asked me to participate in a special project. i need to go back to do it
that fucking staring at hand icon
Man... if your only reason for going back was to do some dumb after school program I'm gonna kick your ass and drag you with me anyway
*hajime hinata voice* if only........ i had TALENT......
but it's something only i can do. i'm sure it's the reason why tanaka thought i was part of his class, there's no other explanation for that
when i first got to this station, i thought this was part of that project, somehow. tbh sometimes i still think that maybe it is part of it, and it's some elaborate scenario to test me, but there's no way that's possible. there's way too much evidence against it at this point.
as fucked up as this station is, though... as important as the project is, idk if i want to go back if it means saying goodbye to you and all the others.
crap, i'm going to be the one standing in maple syrup if i keep that up, so don't think about it too much
to be a man you must have talent and a
Yeah, nah. No offense or anything but that sorta testing is way beyond a school's budget. Shit, Kawakami-sensei had to moonlight as a maid to make ends meet or some shit like that
[A pause, because Hajime struck a chord with Ryuji that he had felt but was way, way too chicken shit to affirm. Because leaving here would mean...]
Wait, really?
You ain't shitting me, right dude?
Because sometimes I kinda feel the same way and it's really fucking weird.
no!!
gundam said the hinata he knew had just... forgotten his talent. or said he had, anyway. meaning either i lied to them all, and they believed something stupid like that for some reason, or it's true, and i do have a talent after all. they wouldn't put a normal kid like me with a group of shsls unless there was a reason for it
...hang on, did you say one of your teachers was also a MAID??
[What.... the fuck]
but yeah, it is weird, isn't it? i mean, it sucks here. something or someone is actively trying to kill us.
but if i never came here, i'd never have met you or haru or erika or ezra or anyone else here. idk it's weird to say but
you know what i mean
no subject
You know what.]
If you're askin' if Gundam's the type of dude who will lie to protect you I'm gonna point to a big fuckin sign that says ABSOLUTELY YES so I dunno what to believe here man
[God, Hajime and Dave have such bad potty mouths.
Affecting a soft, good boy like this into following down their dirty, sinful paths.]
Yeah, maid
What's the point anyway, we keep on surviving even if we end up dying. Kinda stupid if you ask me. Like, thanks? I guess. Whoever's reading this. Yeah you know I'm talkin to you. Come down here and fight me.
Anyway
Yeah I know what you mean.
Back home I didn't really have my shit together. But being here with you guys... it's kinda hard to put it the right way. But I feel more like... me? More free when I'm around you. And of course, yeah. I don't wanna say goodbye to Dave.
no subject
you're right... idk what to think about it anymore
also you know that's like, really not normal, right
dude don't antagonize them!! they really don't need a target!!
i miss nanami from home, she's a really, really important person to me, but i barely got the chance to know her. i've been with you guys... hell, it's been almost half a year by now, hasn't it?
and... yeah. i know what you mean. it's like... being free from other people's expectations, right?
no subject
You mean all teachers don't come over help you do your homework and clean your for you for a small fee
Wild, your world is weird.
[One day he'll fess up to operation maid watch.
And regret every stupid thing he's ever done in high school.]
Shit, it has been half a year, hasn't it? I can't believe I'm gonna be 18 soon
Dude, I don't even know if it's expectations as much as it is just. Spending time to figure out what you really want outta life?
Who's Nanami?
no subject
i can't believe you're going to be 18 either, i'd definitely have thought you'd be rounding your fifth birthday. you look good for your age, old man
but yeah, that makes sense, i guess. if we do end up going back, it's going to be really weird to do it
chiaki nanami is the super high school level gamer. she's one of tanaka's classmates, but she and i were able to become friends since we both liked video games. before i came here, she's the only person who thought that my lack of talent was a good thing.
i really wish you could meet her. she's incredible
no subject
I need some burn cream
You asshole.
[He's not even pissed about the five year old thing. It's the old man part that he wants to pick a bone with Hajime over.]
SHSL gamer, huh? Guess I shouldn't even try to come close to her in Super Smash Sisters.
Ehhh
I'd like a challenge anyway.
Winning all the time is boring.
But yeah, I'd like to meet her too. If that's what she thought about you, I think we'd get along.
no subject
there's no way you'd beat her, but she'd love to play you, i'm sure. she could always tell when i was distracted playing gala omega with her...
i guess, the only good thing is i was able to say goodbye to her before i came here. that's just the way things ended up working out. so even if you're wrong, and we don't end up exactly where (when?) we last were before waking up on this station, i don't have to regret it
you're veering into sap territory again, dude. idk if i can explain how much saying something like that means to me
no subject
[He mentally ticks off the piece of information. He'll have to make sure to do something for it.]
Makes sense. Anyone who's serious about something can always tell if you ain't as serious about it as them. Like if you're on a track team and someone's times are off, you know something's goin' on.
Time's a weird freaking thing to think about. Like... Joker came from a point past where I was in my own home world. But in his memories, I was there. But I haven't been through that shit yet, I'm here, y'know! So like, does that mean we were from alternate universes, or did everything just stand still, and everything's just frozen, waiting for us to come home. Or worse, I guess. Maybe we're just copies that got sucked outta the past and thrown here.
Ahhh... my head hurts. This is too much.
no subject
[He's still pretty sure Ryuji will forget it. Not on purpose! That's just not how forgetting things goes. Besides, "New Year" is just another normal day on this station, probably. Hopefully. ]
idk man. if it weren't for his and tanaka's side of things, we'd have no idea what was going on back home at all. it's all the future to us.
it could be possible that whatever brought us here tampered with our memories... like, maybe you DID go through all of that with him, but when you got here, you somehow lost your memory of it. like how tanaka was saying their memories of hope's peak were taken from them
talking in circles about that kind of stuff isn't going to get us anywhere, though. for now, i guess we should try to focus on the stuff we can actually affect and understand
no subject
But yeah, you're right. There are things we can be doing and things we should do going forward.