[It's okay, I've accepted this into my heart already]
Watch, you get to the end and it's like the mecha anime where it's just a blank room with the words "CONGRATULATIONS" written on a white screen with blank ink.
[That would actually??? be the worst thing that could ever happen, and he'd uninstall so freaking quick.]
Just to mess with ya. But uhh... sheesh, I can't even imagine what a game would offer as the ultimate prize. Godhood? Like, the ability to go back with unlimited resources and build everything as you want it to be?
[He has to pull the brakes on this entire thing to make a very deep, very insightful comment about the state of Dave's universe and the game that tormented him over the past few years---]
Wow, that musta been pretty shady. Stealing their hard earned cash like that. And no one bothered to investi-gator you?
[Little did he know how much Dave was a god's honest crookadile.
And now that that's over, and he hates himself a little bit more than he did a minute ago.]
It lets you level up even higher, but honestly, the leveling system was stupid and arbitrary anyway. But you also get conditional immortality. The ability to fly. A comfy set of magical pajamas. Divine stuff like that.
[It's bad when your loser friends rub off on you and you become an even higher level loser.
Never to be mentioned of again, but hell, if he isn't scratching the back of his head and smiling like he thinks he's the best worst goddamn thing that graced this side of the station.]
This game kinda sounds like bullshit.
Although no one can deny how awesome comfortable pajamas are.
[something like a genuine smirk threatens the corners of his mouth. there's nothing that he's said here that would blatantly indicate Sburb isn't just a computer game, that it's the actual, completely fucked up reality he's been living for three years. he hadn't even touched on the worse corners of paradox space and how easy it is for everything to go completely wrong.]
[and yet, he finds those two sentences oddly comforting. like maybe the guy understands more than he's letting on.]
[Dave chews on a Twizzler thoughtfully for a minute.]
Don't think you could sum up Sburb any better than that. Definitely not nearly as fun as Solitaire.
Eh. Maybe we can find a pack of cards in a room or something. At least you'll be occupied for hours.
[With their E-rank luck though? It'd probably be missing exactly one card. Probably a spade, just for the added ironic effect.
He doesn't exactly let on that he's starting to get the feeling that this is bigger than just a game, but it also doesn't freak him out to even know if it was a possibility- that this sort of stuff could exist out there. He looks at Dave, sees him about to offer what looks like a crook to the corner of his lips, and... cool. That's good enough. But so as not to stare, his eyes wander over to the pillow on the bunk.
Although his life wasn't a video game, he wants to come clean and tell him about Yaldabaoth's game. The one where god pitted two kids against each other and stacked the odds so high against them, all to declare that humanity couldn't, and shouldn't be in control of their own desires. Ryuji was real fucking tired of games that had no winning condition.
At least, if you play by the rules.]
Kinda weird though. I mean. Solitaire never gave me any time powers. [Bluntly put.]
You probably just weren't playing the right Solitaire.
[it's a weirdly apt metaphor, if you think about it. you start with a deck of cards, shuffled any which way, and with a bit of strategy and a lot of luck, you end the game with all four suits arranged in order. as it should be.]
[it's the same deal with Sburb. it's trying to work with or around the cards your session has dealt you. it's attempting to rearrange the rules as you understand them, even if your little video game rebellion turned out to be something you were meant to do all along. it's sequencing frog DNA like suits of cards. it's attempting to make something as it should be.]
[in any case, Ryuji seems to have a knack for finding the actual meaning behind the jokes and sometimes plain absurd shit Dave says — so maybe he'll take that Solitaire comment for what it actually is. it's an acknowledgment that Ryuji was right — and it's a thanks. for understanding.]
I don't mind telling you more if you're curious. Rose has a lot more working knowledge than I do, though; she even wrote a nigh unreadable GameFaq about it.
[And as someone that gets frequently bored and ends up in mischief, that's never really... that good of a thing. But it's also an unintentionally layered statement, an extra slab of cheese somewhere hidden between the metaphorical sandwich buns.]
Hell yeah, man! I gave you twizzlers... that's clearly the olive branch of revealing deep, dark life secrets.
[And there's... 50? 60? 80? people out there in the station that he can't trust farther than he can throw them. Even if this information isn't TOP SECRET CONFIDENTIAL, it feels like he can open up a little more to Dave. Attempt to grow that small ring of confidence that currently contains 2 people into maybe 3. Either way, it's... kind of nice, and relaxing.]
Don't think I've got any of those — no interesting ones, anyway — but Twizzlers taken.
[Dave is infuriatingly bad at even admitting he has basic teenage problems, sadly. they're always hidden somewhere in whatever other points he feels like making — and even then, they're the sort of hints that only look really obvious in retrospect.]
[but honestly, this is a start? it's not like he's going to waltz up to a rando and get into the finer points of alchemizing, so some measure of trust is there.]
At least from my perspective, though, a lot of the game was just fucking around until something big happened. But I also had a lot more time on my hands compared to the others.
[Considering Ryuji overshares just about everything other than the stuff that actually matters? Dave's in good company in that department.]
That's kinda what we're doin' now, though.
[The fucking around aimlessly until something big happens... having a stupid amount of time on their hands. At least, Ryuji doesn't think that they're caught in a video game? Hopefully.]
Man. I still can't wrap my head around that time stuff. Like, you think about it, right? Any point that you've ever regretted something in your life, you could just go back and have a do-over.
[He has to actually stop himself for a moment. He breathes through his nose, and gives out a soft huh.]
I don't know if I would. Mistakes are kinda what makes me, me. And trust me, I've made a lot of 'em.
[Dave pauses to think about that for a minute — rather, to think of how to explain this in a way that would make sense to someone who isn't a time player. he probably would have brushed it off and agreed, if he didn't already know about the weird time stuff already happening on this space station. and there's still something about Ryuji's situation with his friends that he finds a bit risky.]
That's not a bad way of thinking.
Because you are you — and if you were to go back and make a major change like that, you'd basically be saying that the way you are now isn't the way you're supposed to be. You'd have to accept that the past Ryuji you went back and changed things for is the "right" one now, and is the one who will go on to live in a future you're not invited to. You would just be a future Ryuji from a splintered timeline who came back and changed things, and in the process, erased your own future.
That's something that has to be done sometimes. [Davesprite had done it. if he hadn't prototyped himself, he would have died along with all the rest of the Daves out there whose futures no longer existed. it's sort of the same deal for the Dave sitting on a bunk bed eating Twizzlers in space.]
For the most part, though? It's not worth the sacrifice.
It's not like he'd go back just to do something for himself, but the allure of changing history to work out something that could've saved someone did have something behind it that felt almost right. He could've saved Akechi. It's a dumb, stupid thought that only lasts a minute, but... there's nothing about him that he'd change. Maybe relive the last few moments of that exchange, say something different, change the outcome to let someone continue on when they shouldn't have died. It's fleeting, though, and doesn't last, and the ramifications of that thought are unsettling.
But doing that would doom himself, in this world, living and breathing here, where he was sitting in a room with Dave talking about video games, existential crises, and the knowledge that, for the most part, it worked out somewhat okay. He looks over to the other, trying to gauge any insight to what was going on in the other's head as he explained, but it doesn't come to him naturally, so he sits and tries to sort out how he actually feels about that.]
Listen... I... [And it's complicated, really.] I'm not the type of guy who really cares what happens to himself. In my own world, I guess I kinda gave up caring about me and put the lives of others in front of me. [He looks down at his lap, not sure what he means to make or say out of all this.] If it meant bein' there for the people I care about, I'd just do it. Make it better for them.
I guess it's kinda a distorted way of thinking, huh? But I'm happy knowing... that what I did, even if it wasn't enough, was everything that I coulda given.
[He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth. Weird shit to think about.]
Personally, I think having a mastery over time travel means not actually using it. Like those old karate masters who sit around all peaceful-like in their dojos and snark at their students, at least until someone provokes them.
I have no idea if that's actually a thing or if that's just an idea I've got in my head, by the way. I might be thinkin' of Yoda, and maybe the karate masters are actually ringing up completely sweet ass whoopings 24/7. Like, just roundhouse kicking all the way to dinner, and through a sea of freshly pulverized skulls dumb enough to stand in the way.
[if there's anything readable at all in his expression, even with the shades hiding his eyes, it's weariness. it's a point he's tried arguing before, complete with another weird karate metaphor, and it's part of an argument attached to a memory that still stings.]
Look, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I get what you mean. But even though I don't really have much insight into your timeline, based on what you've told me, it's pretty safe for me to assume that it's the "right" one. If you had the chance to change something, whether it's through time travel or some other roundabout bullshit shenanigans, doing so at your own expense is bound to end in a way you're not expecting.
[time traveling always invites the risk of death, one way or the other. most of the time, it's his. oftentimes, it's others'.]
[but anyway, this is a very tl;dr way of saying, don't do something reckless and get yourself killed, Ryuji. because despite this whole spiel, and despite the fact that he would rather be the Yoda of time travel, Dave is also a complete hypocrite and will absolutely use time travel to save you.]
That's you, huh? I'm gonna come over one day and you're gonna be meditating and levitating 2 feet off the ground.
[He absolutely takes everything Dave says to him deeply to heart, even if his sense of displacement at how it makes him feel gets covered by a layer of humor.
God, he wouldn't be able to look at a dead version of himself and not get completely and utterly fucked in the head over it. One tiny change could alter everything. Stray him off a path that he was never meant for, or- was meant for all along because fuck time travel. That's really not how he envisioned life going. And Ryuji? He's a heart thief. He doesn't change the building blocks of time-space, he changes people.
And the more he sees that, the more he starts to see how personally Dave is actually talking. Not even from a philosophical kind of tutelage standpoint, but he can infer that someone only ever gains that knowledge by trial and error. How suffocated do you have to feel under the weight of knowing the "right" path to begin with?
He feels weirdly sentimental, for some reason.]
You're right. This is definitely the right one. I dunno, I just kind of feel it. I mean. If it wasn't...
I might not've met you.
[Adding on to that so it didn't sound so incredibly goddamn lame and cheesy-]
And then who would've come up to you passed out in the hall that day?
Jesus Christ, dude, you just set a new bar on lame.
[it's said with the same sort of fond cadence he has whenever he tosses a light jab at a friend. as he does. Dave's not always the type to be outwardly affectionate, not exactly, and not even toward people he loves dearly. but maybe one day he'll figure out how to be.]
[in any case, as serious a tone as most of their conversation has had, it feels just as natural to shift into something much more light-hearted and stupid. for a little while, at least, they can be just kids in tacky as fuck jumpsuits eating junk food and trading a bit of friendly snark. in this moment, at least, there's no ghosts, or the inevitabilities waiting for the both of them back home.]
If you really want the answer to that question, though? Probably someone a lot better at thumb wrestling.
[If his eyes could narrow any more, they'd pretty much cease to exist. His fists clench up in a ball as he propels himself off the desk he had been so firmly planted upon. This is Ryuji Sakamoto's earnest attempt at being an appreciative person, and to get so, so flagrantly brushed off like that! It's something he can't forgive.
He approaches, accusative in his posturing and ruthless in his methods. It's a lean in, a come-up that validates his true form (aggression) and it looks like he's about to take Dave fucking on, right here, right now. And then it's a pillow in his hands, Ren's to be exact, that he draws back away from the other, only to throw it like a softball right at him.
This asshole!!!]
Just you freakin' wait. I'm gonna work on these muscles day in and day out, and when I get that goddamn rematch, you're gonna eat those words.
[Thumb muscles.
Because those definitely exist. And he's going to be so swole, Dave won't ever see it coming. And the trick to being a truly menacing figure is not to find yourself smiling through it, but, well. Ryuji ain't perfect.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Watch, you get to the end and it's like the mecha anime where it's just a blank room with the words "CONGRATULATIONS" written on a white screen with blank ink.
[That would actually??? be the worst thing that could ever happen, and he'd uninstall so freaking quick.]
Just to mess with ya. But uhh... sheesh, I can't even imagine what a game would offer as the ultimate prize. Godhood? Like, the ability to go back with unlimited resources and build everything as you want it to be?
no subject
Don't know about resources. It's pretty easy to cheat some moronic crocodiles out of their money in the stock market and buy everything early.
Godhood though? Maybe. It's already a thing built into the game.
no subject
Wow, that musta been pretty shady. Stealing their hard earned cash like that. And no one bothered to investi-gator you?
[Little did he know how much Dave was a god's honest crookadile.
And now that that's over, and he hates himself a little bit more than he did a minute ago.]
What does godhood get you? More bridges?
no subject
What the fuck, Ryuji.
no subject
It lets you level up even higher, but honestly, the leveling system was stupid and arbitrary anyway. But you also get conditional immortality. The ability to fly. A comfy set of magical pajamas. Divine stuff like that.
no subject
Never to be mentioned of again, but hell, if he isn't scratching the back of his head and smiling like he thinks he's the best worst goddamn thing that graced this side of the station.]
This game kinda sounds like bullshit.
Although no one can deny how awesome comfortable pajamas are.
no subject
[and yet, he finds those two sentences oddly comforting. like maybe the guy understands more than he's letting on.]
[Dave chews on a Twizzler thoughtfully for a minute.]
Don't think you could sum up Sburb any better than that. Definitely not nearly as fun as Solitaire.
no subject
[With their E-rank luck though? It'd probably be missing exactly one card. Probably a spade, just for the added ironic effect.
He doesn't exactly let on that he's starting to get the feeling that this is bigger than just a game, but it also doesn't freak him out to even know if it was a possibility- that this sort of stuff could exist out there. He looks at Dave, sees him about to offer what looks like a crook to the corner of his lips, and... cool. That's good enough. But so as not to stare, his eyes wander over to the pillow on the bunk.
Although his life wasn't a video game, he wants to come clean and tell him about Yaldabaoth's game. The one where god pitted two kids against each other and stacked the odds so high against them, all to declare that humanity couldn't, and shouldn't be in control of their own desires. Ryuji was real fucking tired of games that had no winning condition.
At least, if you play by the rules.]
Kinda weird though. I mean. Solitaire never gave me any time powers. [Bluntly put.]
no subject
You probably just weren't playing the right Solitaire.
[it's a weirdly apt metaphor, if you think about it. you start with a deck of cards, shuffled any which way, and with a bit of strategy and a lot of luck, you end the game with all four suits arranged in order. as it should be.]
[it's the same deal with Sburb. it's trying to work with or around the cards your session has dealt you. it's attempting to rearrange the rules as you understand them, even if your little video game rebellion turned out to be something you were meant to do all along. it's sequencing frog DNA like suits of cards. it's attempting to make something as it should be.]
[in any case, Ryuji seems to have a knack for finding the actual meaning behind the jokes and sometimes plain absurd shit Dave says — so maybe he'll take that Solitaire comment for what it actually is. it's an acknowledgment that Ryuji was right — and it's a thanks. for understanding.]
I don't mind telling you more if you're curious. Rose has a lot more working knowledge than I do, though; she even wrote a nigh unreadable GameFaq about it.
no subject
[And as someone that gets frequently bored and ends up in mischief, that's never really... that good of a thing. But it's also an unintentionally layered statement, an extra slab of cheese somewhere hidden between the metaphorical sandwich buns.]
Hell yeah, man! I gave you twizzlers... that's clearly the olive branch of revealing deep, dark life secrets.
[And there's... 50? 60? 80? people out there in the station that he can't trust farther than he can throw them. Even if this information isn't TOP SECRET CONFIDENTIAL, it feels like he can open up a little more to Dave. Attempt to grow that small ring of confidence that currently contains 2 people into maybe 3. Either way, it's... kind of nice, and relaxing.]
no subject
[Dave is infuriatingly bad at even admitting he has basic teenage problems, sadly. they're always hidden somewhere in whatever other points he feels like making — and even then, they're the sort of hints that only look really obvious in retrospect.]
[but honestly, this is a start? it's not like he's going to waltz up to a rando and get into the finer points of alchemizing, so some measure of trust is there.]
At least from my perspective, though, a lot of the game was just fucking around until something big happened. But I also had a lot more time on my hands compared to the others.
no subject
That's kinda what we're doin' now, though.
[The fucking around aimlessly until something big happens... having a stupid amount of time on their hands. At least, Ryuji doesn't think that they're caught in a video game? Hopefully.]
Man. I still can't wrap my head around that time stuff. Like, you think about it, right? Any point that you've ever regretted something in your life, you could just go back and have a do-over.
[He has to actually stop himself for a moment. He breathes through his nose, and gives out a soft huh.]
I don't know if I would. Mistakes are kinda what makes me, me. And trust me, I've made a lot of 'em.
no subject
That's not a bad way of thinking.
Because you are you — and if you were to go back and make a major change like that, you'd basically be saying that the way you are now isn't the way you're supposed to be. You'd have to accept that the past Ryuji you went back and changed things for is the "right" one now, and is the one who will go on to live in a future you're not invited to. You would just be a future Ryuji from a splintered timeline who came back and changed things, and in the process, erased your own future.
That's something that has to be done sometimes. [Davesprite had done it. if he hadn't prototyped himself, he would have died along with all the rest of the Daves out there whose futures no longer existed. it's sort of the same deal for the Dave sitting on a bunk bed eating Twizzlers in space.]
For the most part, though? It's not worth the sacrifice.
no subject
It's not like he'd go back just to do something for himself, but the allure of changing history to work out something that could've saved someone did have something behind it that felt almost right. He could've saved Akechi. It's a dumb, stupid thought that only lasts a minute, but... there's nothing about him that he'd change. Maybe relive the last few moments of that exchange, say something different, change the outcome to let someone continue on when they shouldn't have died. It's fleeting, though, and doesn't last, and the ramifications of that thought are unsettling.
But doing that would doom himself, in this world, living and breathing here, where he was sitting in a room with Dave talking about video games, existential crises, and the knowledge that, for the most part, it worked out somewhat okay. He looks over to the other, trying to gauge any insight to what was going on in the other's head as he explained, but it doesn't come to him naturally, so he sits and tries to sort out how he actually feels about that.]
Listen... I... [And it's complicated, really.] I'm not the type of guy who really cares what happens to himself. In my own world, I guess I kinda gave up caring about me and put the lives of others in front of me. [He looks down at his lap, not sure what he means to make or say out of all this.] If it meant bein' there for the people I care about, I'd just do it. Make it better for them.
I guess it's kinda a distorted way of thinking, huh? But I'm happy knowing... that what I did, even if it wasn't enough, was everything that I coulda given.
[He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth. Weird shit to think about.]
Pretty sure I'd make a real bad time mage.
no subject
Personally, I think having a mastery over time travel means not actually using it. Like those old karate masters who sit around all peaceful-like in their dojos and snark at their students, at least until someone provokes them.
I have no idea if that's actually a thing or if that's just an idea I've got in my head, by the way. I might be thinkin' of Yoda, and maybe the karate masters are actually ringing up completely sweet ass whoopings 24/7. Like, just roundhouse kicking all the way to dinner, and through a sea of freshly pulverized skulls dumb enough to stand in the way.
[if there's anything readable at all in his expression, even with the shades hiding his eyes, it's weariness. it's a point he's tried arguing before, complete with another weird karate metaphor, and it's part of an argument attached to a memory that still stings.]
Look, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I get what you mean. But even though I don't really have much insight into your timeline, based on what you've told me, it's pretty safe for me to assume that it's the "right" one. If you had the chance to change something, whether it's through time travel or some other roundabout bullshit shenanigans, doing so at your own expense is bound to end in a way you're not expecting.
[time traveling always invites the risk of death, one way or the other. most of the time, it's his. oftentimes, it's others'.]
[but anyway, this is a very tl;dr way of saying, don't do something reckless and get yourself killed, Ryuji. because despite this whole spiel, and despite the fact that he would rather be the Yoda of time travel, Dave is also a complete hypocrite and will absolutely use time travel to save you.]
no subject
[He absolutely takes everything Dave says to him deeply to heart, even if his sense of displacement at how it makes him feel gets covered by a layer of humor.
God, he wouldn't be able to look at a dead version of himself and not get completely and utterly fucked in the head over it. One tiny change could alter everything. Stray him off a path that he was never meant for, or- was meant for all along because fuck time travel. That's really not how he envisioned life going. And Ryuji? He's a heart thief. He doesn't change the building blocks of time-space, he changes people.
And the more he sees that, the more he starts to see how personally Dave is actually talking. Not even from a philosophical kind of tutelage standpoint, but he can infer that someone only ever gains that knowledge by trial and error. How suffocated do you have to feel under the weight of knowing the "right" path to begin with?
He feels weirdly sentimental, for some reason.]
You're right. This is definitely the right one. I dunno, I just kind of feel it. I mean. If it wasn't...
I might not've met you.
[Adding on to that so it didn't sound so incredibly goddamn lame and cheesy-]
And then who would've come up to you passed out in the hall that day?
[Wait, that's probably worse.]
no subject
[it's said with the same sort of fond cadence he has whenever he tosses a light jab at a friend. as he does. Dave's not always the type to be outwardly affectionate, not exactly, and not even toward people he loves dearly. but maybe one day he'll figure out how to be.]
[in any case, as serious a tone as most of their conversation has had, it feels just as natural to shift into something much more light-hearted and stupid. for a little while, at least, they can be just kids in tacky as fuck jumpsuits eating junk food and trading a bit of friendly snark. in this moment, at least, there's no ghosts, or the inevitabilities waiting for the both of them back home.]
If you really want the answer to that question, though? Probably someone a lot better at thumb wrestling.
[there's just two really big idiots.]
no subject
[If his eyes could narrow any more, they'd pretty much cease to exist. His fists clench up in a ball as he propels himself off the desk he had been so firmly planted upon. This is Ryuji Sakamoto's earnest attempt at being an appreciative person, and to get so, so flagrantly brushed off like that! It's something he can't forgive.
He approaches, accusative in his posturing and ruthless in his methods. It's a lean in, a come-up that validates his true form (aggression) and it looks like he's about to take Dave fucking on, right here, right now. And then it's a pillow in his hands, Ren's to be exact, that he draws back away from the other, only to throw it like a softball right at him.
This asshole!!!]
Just you freakin' wait. I'm gonna work on these muscles day in and day out, and when I get that goddamn rematch, you're gonna eat those words.
[Thumb muscles.
Because those definitely exist. And he's going to be so swole, Dave won't ever see it coming. And the trick to being a truly menacing figure is not to find yourself smiling through it, but, well. Ryuji ain't perfect.]