[When the Phantom Thieves first started their exploits in the Metaverse, Ryuji wanted to gain some fame and fortune off of doing the things that they had done. There was always this part of him that wanted to be recognized, to have people see him as something worthwhile, to show up the people that said he wasn't good for anything other than being a delinquent. He found out that the approval- all the approval he ever really needed, in actuality- was good enough to come from his friends and he dropped that urge to become known for the deeds they had done.
But sitting here, with Hajime, it feels like it rekindles some of that attention towards him. He's not really waving the banner of Seiten-Taisei to the entire station, but it's enough that... his friend, his god's honest friend is looking up to him. He didn't want to make the other jealous over it, but rather... immediately felt this intense urge to bring him into things once he told the other.
And it always came down to this. Ryuji desperately wanting the people he cared about to notice him, to see good in him. Hajime's confirmation of that warms him to the core.]
Nah, man. You get your own and shit. It's pretty cool.
[Wait, he was talking about the motif of a thief wearing a face cover, right? Not the actual... persona wielding embodiment of their trickster, right? Either way, Ryuji already is pulling back his fist post-bump.]
Actually, lemme show you.
[Ryuji closes his eyes and focuses on the spirit energy residing from his persona, and with a wave of his hand over his face, the outline of a skull's mask forms before becoming corporeal, solidifying onto his face with a blue flame that burns bright for only a second.
He takes it off, holding it into his hands like it's his most precious possession- an incarnation of himself- and holds it out to show the other. Gross, it's been on his face so many times that this thing probably has more of Ryuji on it than anyone needs to have in one sitting. But it's also made of him? So there's that, too.]
[No, Ryuji, he just said he doesn't want to make a ma-- holy shit]
Gyaaah!!
[He holds up both hands as he recoils, as if to ward off the weird blue flames. It's hard not to yell in surprise when a flaming skull mask suddenly appears on his friend's face!! He'd thought when Ryuji had said the metaverse wasn't available, he wouldn't have to worry about all that weird supernatural stuff.
What the hell has he gotten himself into.]
S-sorry, but that's... what?
[It comes out more weakly than he'd like as he leans forward to check out the mask, examining it like a piece of evidence. It's... real, right? He reaches out to try to touch it, gently, just to confirm that it is present and real.]
[Okay, maybe he should chill with the flashy displays and magic tricks, but it's the only way he knows how to actually make it appear. It's not so much a simple... pull it out of your pocket and attach it to your face kind of deal, here.]
It ain't gonna hurt you, dude.
[There's a sideways smile that he flashes at his friend, still holding it out if he wants to examine it. There's energy inside it that buzzes, linked to Ryuji's own cognitive perception of himself- the source of his own magic powers. Or, rather-]
It's weakened a lot, though. It seems like it's either runnin' out of juice, which doesn't make sense, or there's some sorta threshold limitation placed on it. I dunno, I just know that I can't really do that much with it anymore.
Buuut... it does look kinda cool.
[Ryuji is a little nervous here, too, this is sort of... literally bearing his soul to Hajime. If he thinks it's ugly or stupid or terrifying, then he feels like it's probably going to miss the mark of what it's supposed to symbolize.]
When this all started... I guess I kinda thought that what rebellion really meant was being a pirate. Y'know, sailing the seas, plundering, freedom. All that shit. So my symbol's the skull from the skull and bones flag.
[He hums uncertainly, carefully taking the offered mask in both hands to take him up on that offer to examine it. It... sure is buzzing, tingling Hajime's fingers with how unfamiliar it feels.
Briefly, he holds it up a few inches in front of his own face, looking through the eyeholes at his friend as if trying to imagine how Ryuji sees the world. The gesture of bearing his soul really isn't lost on him, the more he explains, and while he might privately think it's kind of weird -- how can he not, seeing something materialize out of thin air -- he knows better than to say so out loud.]
It's... impressive, [he says finally, and he means it, holding the mask back out to return it. His lips curve into a warm smile, and he laughs quietly, nodding again.] Yeah, it's pretty cool. It suits you.
[It's less that the mask itself is cool, but that Ryuji's cool, which makes the mask cool. It works in Hajime's head.]
What about your friends? Haru and the others? They have masks like this, too?
[Yeah, whatever, alright, he's the goddamn cat's meow. But more importantly, the gesture of Hajime looking through the eyes really strikes home a sort of complacently... settled feeling with a lot of this. He's always had trouble making the right types of connections with people, always thinking that it was because of a difference of perspective.]
Careful, next thing you know you're gonna start cursin' up a storm and bitchin' about how much adults suck.
[And maybe it's a good thing that he didn't actually try to put that thing on, since it's seen... a lot of blood. A lot of Ryuji's sweat. The occasional moment where his eyes were wet from his overemotional state. And it's probably gross.]
Yeah. All of us do. Not to sure on the exact mechanics, but mine appeared when we were all in danger. I thought... Shit, this is how it's gonna end, right? And a voice called out to me and told me to not accept things the way they were. Next thing I know, we're kickin' ass. It happened like that... pretty much for all of us, I guess.
[It's been 2 months, surely he would've figured that out by now, right? Ryuji is the farthest thing from cool that could possibly be. Picture this as a sliding scale, someone like James Dean on one end, the "cool" vertex, and then Ryuji Sakamoto on the other, the "lame" end. That's how many degrees he's separated in this model.]
Sorry, forgot you were the class president.
[It's just as easy to fling this right back at Hajime. None of Ryuji's friends are safe from teasing at the slightest hint of provocation.]
I dunno. I mean, I had to do weight training every day after becoming a thief. [He smiles at him, and then...
FUCK, he forgot Hajime has stacks on deck.]
Nevermind. Yeah, you'd do fine. That's what I meant earlier when we first started talkin'. You can't really know if you're good at something until it's kinda... thrust on you. That's kinda how this all worked. It was sink or swim. You're lucky that losers like us already know the ropes and have 'em figured out, so you get an advantage.
[He can still summon a flaming skull mask, so like. He has to at least be somewhere in the middle. James Dean can't do that!]
Weight training, huh...?
[Yeah, he feels a little confident in that regard, but still... he was only really using the gym here because he didn't have anything else to do. Maybe he should try to come up with a real routine besides running and lifting weights? Maybe Ryuji would exercise with him? He'll ask later.]
Hey, don't call Haru a loser.
[It's said with a teasing grin, because it's fine for Ryuji to call himself a loser, but Haru? Come on, don't be rude.]
But... I see. I hope I don't let you down.
[His hand goes to his lips in a moment of concerned anxiety. Speaking of Haru and the other losers...]
Is... it really okay that you're bringing me into this without checking with your friends first?
[No questions asked, Ryuji would join him in a workout routine. He's been trying to work one out for himself, but the muscles never seemed to want to stick to him, no matter how hard he tried. He had one of those metabolisms meant for runners, down to his very physical makeup. He could feel ridges against his abs, but no matter how he tried, getting buff just didn't really seem to work for him that well. 8 months of training later, he was... a lot stronger, true, but didn't have much to show for it.]
Yeah, Haru excluded.
[Listen, he thinks they're all outcasts. And they are- even if Haru was technically a millionaire.]
Uh... well we do everything by unanimous votin' so, like. We'll talk about it, yeah. But don't worry about that shit too much.
It's fine for Ryuji to say not to worry about it, but Hajime is absolutely going to dwell on it. After all, he barely knows Ren, let alone anyone else who might be part of this group. And while Ryuji might have this inexplicable confidence in him, Hajime absolutely wouldn't blame anyone for not agreeing.]
R-right... I won't.
[He will.]
Even if they don't let me in, we'll still be friends, right?
[There's no honest to god guarantee that Hajime would be accepted by group majority, but the chances seem good enough that if Ryuji pledges for him, then that's honestly... probably good enough. They were already down a few (really, really missed) members, and it's not that the numbers mattered in the end, it was the heart behind the group.
It's kind of weird though, he's starting to pick up on intuitions when Hajime isn't being entirely forthright with himself, but he doesn't push it and tell him that he's wrong outright out of a care for his feelings.]
Well... I mean, if we don't take you in, we're just gonna have to kill you, so.
[He smiles at Hajime, obviously joking around, and then gives him a friendly shove. Don't take it so seriously.]
And even then, now that you do know, there's really... no turnin' back anyway.
[He laughs, a short bark of surprised laughter even as he feigns a mortal wound from that shove, falling back to the blankets on deck. Yeah, even if this is some kind of crazy secret... he knows his life isn't actually in danger from Ryuji of all people.]
Right, of course. I'd expect no less from Ryuji Sakamoto, Ace Phantom Thief.
[Now that he's laying down, though, he doesn't bother to push himself back up at first. Instead, he's looking back out the window.]
No turning back, huh...?
...Hey, do you think we'll actually be able to go home? Honestly.
[Ryuji doesn't move, still sitting up, fingers playing with the blanket below him as an act of typical fidgeting that's pretty much noticeable to anyone that pays attention.]
Heh, yeah. Ace Phantom Thief, huh? Sounds like somethin' you'd read right outta manga or something like that.
[As unlikely as it was that he would be someone to wind up even in this squad of antiheroes... a fact that he never dwells on or thinks about is... that group wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for Ryuji. He believes Ren is the responsible one for all their achievements, only thinking that he played a side-by-side support role. But if it weren't for Ryuji's enthusiasm and unbending will, they wouldn't have continued on at all. They wouldn't have even gotten to the point of stealing Kamoshida's heart to begin with. So, he sits there, in front of Hajime, unwilling to accept the world as it is.]
Yeah. We'll be able to go home. [It's softer said than his usually brusque, overly confident timbre.] I dunno how far away that is, but. Hey... if you want to change the world, all you gotta do is look at it a different way, y'know? If you give up believin', then that's the world you're gonna create.
[Hajime doesn't know their group well enough to realize that yet, but he does truly think Ryuji's a protagonist-like character. The kind of person Hajime would like to think he'd be, if he were someone more confident; the kind of person who befriends people quickly, who listens to them, talks to them, keeps them sane. Maybe not entirely like Ryuji (he can say fuck and yet not be totally crass about everything else), but without getting too sappy, he's inspirational.
But he doesn't answer immediately, just humming quietly, a little doubtfully. It's fine for Ryuji to say these kinds of things, when he's already been able to make great strides back home. For Hajime? The idea of going against the system from the outside just seems like an easy way to get swept under the rug. No one would care if one Reserve Course student disappeared.]
I... had a chance to do something about it, [he says finally, a confession to the stars outside the glass than to Ryuji's face.] But it's too late now. I've been here too long.
[The real brains of the operation is so obviously Ren, it's painful for anyone to think that Ryuji has the qualities that it takes to be in any sort of position of leadership. This is also the kid who wanted to join a sport and then signed up for the most selfish one out there- running, where your only objective is to be better than everyone else around you. Too much competition. Not enough ability to say fuck (there's a reason, but it's locked behind a lot of other complicated feelings about his childhood, and how hearing that word being screamed makes him inexplicably uneasy).
And maybe the Reserve course wouldn't give a single care as to whether or not something happened to Hajime, but Ryuji would. He'd fight off the entire staff if it came down to it. He realizes that too, even sitting there as Hajime starts to talk about the program- he has an inclination to protect his friends that runs deep in his veins.]
You think so? [It doesn't sit right with him, that line of thought.] Ren and I come from different points in time. Who's to say that once we get outta this mess that you're not gonna be just teleported back to the moment you left? Like. Mid piss, if that's what you were doin'.
[That's not how time works, he wants to protest. Time has obviously passed, Hope's Peak Academy has moved on. But... that weird Gundam Tanaka guy had thought they were friends. He'd thought Hajime was someone with talent. So maybe...
Does he still want that? His heart beats faster, a cold sweat prickling his palms. He'd wanted to tell Chiaki about it, but couldn't muster the resolve. That familiar anxiety is threatening to take over again.
But he has to say something before his silence makes Ryuji suspicious.]
That does sound about right for what this place would do to us, [he remarks a few seconds late, managing to keep his tone dry.] Finally get home, pee all over yourself.
[...No. Ryuji wouldn't understand why he'd accepted the Project. Hajime could explain why being someone talented matters more than anything else until he's blue in the face, and he doesn't think Ryuji would understand at all.]
Maybe turning over my communicator would cover my tuition fees, too. You never know.
[So Hajime was experiencing something that Ryuji had too. If he ever finds out, he has a few words of advice to tell him, passed down from Dave, about anything related to time. Mostly just to make sure that Gundam shuts the hell up about it and doesn't tell him about anything.
And it's a good question to ask himself internally; something similar is on his mind, brewing in the background. He's not filled to the brim with any particular parting wisdom or anything like that, but he knows a thing or two about purpose and whether or not feelings can change by changing perspectives and scene.]
If you ain't wet your pants here yet, the station's gonna find one last hoorah to say "eff you" right at that last moment.
[Gross.]
So let's say we spend like... 3 years here, or something. Old enough for you to mentally be in college, right? You shoulda been taking entrance exams, crammin' your ass off, that sorta stuff. But so much happens here and you end up a different person 'cause of it.
Three years... I can't even imagine spending another month here, let alone a year. Let alone three years.
[That wasn't the point, and he knows it. But it just keeps playing on a loop. Three years or more, and then... winding back up in his normal life, as if nothing had changed.
He throws his arm over his eyes.]
If that was supposed to make me feel better, it really didn't, [he says just as dryly as before.] If you're right, and we really are going to end up back where we were... that's almost worse than thinking the world moved on without us, isn't it?
[He reaches over, contentiously moving his hands away from his eyes- touching, for the first time since he offered to give him a back rub to help him fall asleep. If they're going to have a heart to heart over something, he wants to see Hajime's face.]
What I'm sayin' is that the person you go back to is different, even if the scenery ain't. When you get to that point, make sure you don't have regrets, y'know? You might not want the same things you did before you came here.
[He doesn't know if that's the right answer either. He was taken right before he went to go fight god, which, okay- that was pretty wild- but he knows a few things already since his time as an operator on this station.]
For example, right? I know I'm gonna be a better person for meetin' you. You're gonna end up affectin' me a lot more than you think, yeah?
[Hajime doesn't resist having his arm tugged away from his eyes, though he does kind of give Ryuji a bit of an exasperated look. Again with the breach of his personal space, the casual familiarity. He doesn't know if he'll ever get used to it... but there's a part of him that would like to. That it's not bad to have that kind of connection to someone.
His heart thuds uncomfortably in his chest at what Ryuji's saying, though. Don't have regrets... is it? It's powerful in a way he can't describe, like permission to just do whatever he wants to do. Screw anyone who says he can't, because he's ordinary. Because once he goes back... if Ryuji's right, if they will go back to when they left, then it's already too late. He's already signed himself over to them. Because even if he can try to live without regrets here... there's no way he can do it at home.
He opens his mouth to say so, but Ryuji's already continuing, and his heart beats a little faster. A mystified,] Eh? [slips out before he can silence it.
Then he laughs, trying to mask the flush that's coloring to his cheeks.] You only get to say that if you know it goes both ways, you know.
[It's true, the closest Hajime can come to admitting it right now. Without Ryuji, he'd... well, he'd not be in the kind of mental state he's in right now, willing to take small steps to push the envelope in ways he's been denied. Maybe that's not totally a good thing, because it reminds him what he can't have at home, but right here, on this station, it's...]
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But sitting here, with Hajime, it feels like it rekindles some of that attention towards him. He's not really waving the banner of Seiten-Taisei to the entire station, but it's enough that... his friend, his god's honest friend is looking up to him. He didn't want to make the other jealous over it, but rather... immediately felt this intense urge to bring him into things once he told the other.
And it always came down to this. Ryuji desperately wanting the people he cared about to notice him, to see good in him. Hajime's confirmation of that warms him to the core.]
Nah, man. You get your own and shit. It's pretty cool.
[Wait, he was talking about the motif of a thief wearing a face cover, right? Not the actual... persona wielding embodiment of their trickster, right? Either way, Ryuji already is pulling back his fist post-bump.]
Actually, lemme show you.
[Ryuji closes his eyes and focuses on the spirit energy residing from his persona, and with a wave of his hand over his face, the outline of a skull's mask forms before becoming corporeal, solidifying onto his face with a blue flame that burns bright for only a second.
He takes it off, holding it into his hands like it's his most precious possession- an incarnation of himself- and holds it out to show the other. Gross, it's been on his face so many times that this thing probably has more of Ryuji on it than anyone needs to have in one sitting. But it's also made of him? So there's that, too.]
It's a skull. Like my username.
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Gyaaah!!
[He holds up both hands as he recoils, as if to ward off the weird blue flames. It's hard not to yell in surprise when a flaming skull mask suddenly appears on his friend's face!! He'd thought when Ryuji had said the metaverse wasn't available, he wouldn't have to worry about all that weird supernatural stuff.
What the hell has he gotten himself into.]
S-sorry, but that's... what?
[It comes out more weakly than he'd like as he leans forward to check out the mask, examining it like a piece of evidence. It's... real, right? He reaches out to try to touch it, gently, just to confirm that it is present and real.]
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It ain't gonna hurt you, dude.
[There's a sideways smile that he flashes at his friend, still holding it out if he wants to examine it. There's energy inside it that buzzes, linked to Ryuji's own cognitive perception of himself- the source of his own magic powers. Or, rather-]
It's weakened a lot, though. It seems like it's either runnin' out of juice, which doesn't make sense, or there's some sorta threshold limitation placed on it. I dunno, I just know that I can't really do that much with it anymore.
Buuut... it does look kinda cool.
[Ryuji is a little nervous here, too, this is sort of... literally bearing his soul to Hajime. If he thinks it's ugly or stupid or terrifying, then he feels like it's probably going to miss the mark of what it's supposed to symbolize.]
When this all started... I guess I kinda thought that what rebellion really meant was being a pirate. Y'know, sailing the seas, plundering, freedom. All that shit. So my symbol's the skull from the skull and bones flag.
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[He hums uncertainly, carefully taking the offered mask in both hands to take him up on that offer to examine it. It... sure is buzzing, tingling Hajime's fingers with how unfamiliar it feels.
Briefly, he holds it up a few inches in front of his own face, looking through the eyeholes at his friend as if trying to imagine how Ryuji sees the world. The gesture of bearing his soul really isn't lost on him, the more he explains, and while he might privately think it's kind of weird -- how can he not, seeing something materialize out of thin air -- he knows better than to say so out loud.]
It's... impressive, [he says finally, and he means it, holding the mask back out to return it. His lips curve into a warm smile, and he laughs quietly, nodding again.] Yeah, it's pretty cool. It suits you.
[It's less that the mask itself is cool, but that Ryuji's cool, which makes the mask cool. It works in Hajime's head.]
What about your friends? Haru and the others? They have masks like this, too?
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W...]
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Careful, next thing you know you're gonna start cursin' up a storm and bitchin' about how much adults suck.
[And maybe it's a good thing that he didn't actually try to put that thing on, since it's seen... a lot of blood. A lot of Ryuji's sweat. The occasional moment where his eyes were wet from his overemotional state. And it's probably gross.]
Yeah. All of us do. Not to sure on the exact mechanics, but mine appeared when we were all in danger. I thought... Shit, this is how it's gonna end, right? And a voice called out to me and told me to not accept things the way they were. Next thing I know, we're kickin' ass. It happened like that... pretty much for all of us, I guess.
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Instead he just laughs, more of the earlier nervousness from before starting to filter away as he shakes his head.]
What, and ruin your impression of me as some kind of cram school student? Not a chance.
[That's a joke. Ryuji doesn't still think of him as some super-studious type, right?]
It sounds like you guys led really dangerous lives before showing up here. You really think someone like me can do all of that?
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Sorry, forgot you were the class president.
[It's just as easy to fling this right back at Hajime. None of Ryuji's friends are safe from teasing at the slightest hint of provocation.]
I dunno. I mean, I had to do weight training every day after becoming a thief. [He smiles at him, and then...
FUCK, he forgot Hajime has stacks on deck.]
Nevermind. Yeah, you'd do fine. That's what I meant earlier when we first started talkin'. You can't really know if you're good at something until it's kinda... thrust on you. That's kinda how this all worked. It was sink or swim. You're lucky that losers like us already know the ropes and have 'em figured out, so you get an advantage.
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Weight training, huh...?
[Yeah, he feels a little confident in that regard, but still... he was only really using the gym here because he didn't have anything else to do. Maybe he should try to come up with a real routine besides running and lifting weights? Maybe Ryuji would exercise with him? He'll ask later.]
Hey, don't call Haru a loser.
[It's said with a teasing grin, because it's fine for Ryuji to call himself a loser, but Haru? Come on, don't be rude.]
But... I see. I hope I don't let you down.
[His hand goes to his lips in a moment of concerned anxiety. Speaking of Haru and the other losers...]
Is... it really okay that you're bringing me into this without checking with your friends first?
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Yeah, Haru excluded.
[Listen, he thinks they're all outcasts. And they are- even if Haru was technically a millionaire.]
Uh... well we do everything by unanimous votin' so, like. We'll talk about it, yeah. But don't worry about that shit too much.
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It's fine for Ryuji to say not to worry about it, but Hajime is absolutely going to dwell on it. After all, he barely knows Ren, let alone anyone else who might be part of this group. And while Ryuji might have this inexplicable confidence in him, Hajime absolutely wouldn't blame anyone for not agreeing.]
R-right... I won't.
[He will.]
Even if they don't let me in, we'll still be friends, right?
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It's kind of weird though, he's starting to pick up on intuitions when Hajime isn't being entirely forthright with himself, but he doesn't push it and tell him that he's wrong outright out of a care for his feelings.]
Well... I mean, if we don't take you in, we're just gonna have to kill you, so.
[He smiles at Hajime, obviously joking around, and then gives him a friendly shove. Don't take it so seriously.]
And even then, now that you do know, there's really... no turnin' back anyway.
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Right, of course. I'd expect no less from Ryuji Sakamoto, Ace Phantom Thief.
[Now that he's laying down, though, he doesn't bother to push himself back up at first. Instead, he's looking back out the window.]
No turning back, huh...?
...Hey, do you think we'll actually be able to go home? Honestly.
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Heh, yeah. Ace Phantom Thief, huh? Sounds like somethin' you'd read right outta manga or something like that.
[As unlikely as it was that he would be someone to wind up even in this squad of antiheroes... a fact that he never dwells on or thinks about is... that group wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for Ryuji. He believes Ren is the responsible one for all their achievements, only thinking that he played a side-by-side support role. But if it weren't for Ryuji's enthusiasm and unbending will, they wouldn't have continued on at all. They wouldn't have even gotten to the point of stealing Kamoshida's heart to begin with. So, he sits there, in front of Hajime, unwilling to accept the world as it is.]
Yeah. We'll be able to go home. [It's softer said than his usually brusque, overly confident timbre.] I dunno how far away that is, but. Hey... if you want to change the world, all you gotta do is look at it a different way, y'know? If you give up believin', then that's the world you're gonna create.
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But he doesn't answer immediately, just humming quietly, a little doubtfully. It's fine for Ryuji to say these kinds of things, when he's already been able to make great strides back home. For Hajime? The idea of going against the system from the outside just seems like an easy way to get swept under the rug. No one would care if one Reserve Course student disappeared.]
I... had a chance to do something about it, [he says finally, a confession to the stars outside the glass than to Ryuji's face.] But it's too late now. I've been here too long.
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And maybe the Reserve course wouldn't give a single care as to whether or not something happened to Hajime, but Ryuji would. He'd fight off the entire staff if it came down to it. He realizes that too, even sitting there as Hajime starts to talk about the program- he has an inclination to protect his friends that runs deep in his veins.]
You think so? [It doesn't sit right with him, that line of thought.] Ren and I come from different points in time. Who's to say that once we get outta this mess that you're not gonna be just teleported back to the moment you left? Like. Mid piss, if that's what you were doin'.
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Does he still want that? His heart beats faster, a cold sweat prickling his palms. He'd wanted to tell Chiaki about it, but couldn't muster the resolve. That familiar anxiety is threatening to take over again.
But he has to say something before his silence makes Ryuji suspicious.]
That does sound about right for what this place would do to us, [he remarks a few seconds late, managing to keep his tone dry.] Finally get home, pee all over yourself.
[...No. Ryuji wouldn't understand why he'd accepted the Project. Hajime could explain why being someone talented matters more than anything else until he's blue in the face, and he doesn't think Ryuji would understand at all.]
Maybe turning over my communicator would cover my tuition fees, too. You never know.
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And it's a good question to ask himself internally; something similar is on his mind, brewing in the background. He's not filled to the brim with any particular parting wisdom or anything like that, but he knows a thing or two about purpose and whether or not feelings can change by changing perspectives and scene.]
If you ain't wet your pants here yet, the station's gonna find one last hoorah to say "eff you" right at that last moment.
[Gross.]
So let's say we spend like... 3 years here, or something. Old enough for you to mentally be in college, right? You shoulda been taking entrance exams, crammin' your ass off, that sorta stuff. But so much happens here and you end up a different person 'cause of it.
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[That wasn't the point, and he knows it. But it just keeps playing on a loop. Three years or more, and then... winding back up in his normal life, as if nothing had changed.
He throws his arm over his eyes.]
If that was supposed to make me feel better, it really didn't, [he says just as dryly as before.] If you're right, and we really are going to end up back where we were... that's almost worse than thinking the world moved on without us, isn't it?
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[He reaches over, contentiously moving his hands away from his eyes- touching, for the first time since he offered to give him a back rub to help him fall asleep. If they're going to have a heart to heart over something, he wants to see Hajime's face.]
What I'm sayin' is that the person you go back to is different, even if the scenery ain't. When you get to that point, make sure you don't have regrets, y'know? You might not want the same things you did before you came here.
[He doesn't know if that's the right answer either. He was taken right before he went to go fight god, which, okay- that was pretty wild- but he knows a few things already since his time as an operator on this station.]
For example, right? I know I'm gonna be a better person for meetin' you. You're gonna end up affectin' me a lot more than you think, yeah?
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His heart thuds uncomfortably in his chest at what Ryuji's saying, though. Don't have regrets... is it? It's powerful in a way he can't describe, like permission to just do whatever he wants to do. Screw anyone who says he can't, because he's ordinary. Because once he goes back... if Ryuji's right, if they will go back to when they left, then it's already too late. He's already signed himself over to them. Because even if he can try to live without regrets here... there's no way he can do it at home.
He opens his mouth to say so, but Ryuji's already continuing, and his heart beats a little faster. A mystified,] Eh? [slips out before he can silence it.
Then he laughs, trying to mask the flush that's coloring to his cheeks.] You only get to say that if you know it goes both ways, you know.
[It's true, the closest Hajime can come to admitting it right now. Without Ryuji, he'd... well, he'd not be in the kind of mental state he's in right now, willing to take small steps to push the envelope in ways he's been denied. Maybe that's not totally a good thing, because it reminds him what he can't have at home, but right here, on this station, it's...]
Thanks, Ryuji.