[He thought that Hajime would come to know a lot about what happened back in Tokyo, but he didn't think that it'd be this way. It's a conversation that's been sparked months early in advance, and of course, someone like Ryuji isn't going to prepare or budget anything in for his own unfortunate lack of reservation.]
...
[Cornered, he knows he should probably just keep to his in group and push the other farther out. It's the smart thing to do. It's what a thief would do. And the thing about that? Ryuji's not that great of a thief, and has always put his friendships above the job.]
I shouldn't've said anything. Man... [Scratching the back of his head.]
What I'm about to tell you, you can't say a word about it to ANYONE, okay? Like. I need you to promise me. On everything.
[He's not exactly about to go knocking on Erika's door hey my friend is a criminal and someone who trusts me also is probably a criminal.
But that also feels kind of isolating, in a way, now that he's said it. Who can he talk to, if something happens where he can't talk to Ryuji? He doesn't want to burden Erika with his own problems, so that really... doesn't leave an exhaustive list. He presses his lips tightly together and nods more firmly.]
[T-minus 10 minutes until Hajime ends up becoming an honorary Phantom Thief, complete with the hideout meetings and a group of friends that are more intensely overbearing than he knows what to do with. This feels like a cult initiation of sorts.
Ryuji honestly doesn't even know where he should begin. He looks around the observatory, again, just to make sure that no one's there with him. He powers down his communicator, too- mostly because he doesn't want messages to come through, but also, the way Makoto had spied on him before has made him a little apprehensive of being recorded.]
Turn yours off, too. Sorry... it's just. This secret could ruin us, you know?
[He sighs, piecing together the narrative in his head. It's still all jumbled up.]
Akechi killed Haru's father by crushing his... uh, soul? I guess that's what you can call it. His shadow. I don't really think it was entirely his fault though, he was getting used by someone else. I mean, it was still kinda his fault, but what else are you gonna do when the house of cards are stacked so goddamn high against you to begin with?
I know this ain't makin' a ton of sense or anything. So... if you have questions, ask 'em and I'll try to answer the best I can. But honestly... so much of it is kinda bullshit that it's hard to...
[He bites his bottom lip.]
Look, I don't even know where I stand with Akechi. I probably oughta hate him. I don't even know if Haru does, after what he did to her father. But both of us... our party, and him, were bein' pitted against each other by some messed up forces trying to determine the worth of humanity as a whole. I mean. I think that's kinda how it was goin' down.
[It's hard to really put anything down definitively. Ryuji stopped existing for a while and was caught in a jail of consciousness- which, from his perspective, happened exactly a month and a half ago. That's when the real guy behind the curtain pulling the strings showed himself.
[He turns off his communicator, remembering something Erika said once about network security, and folds his hands in his lap. Alright, punk, get explaining.
And then, abruptly, Hajime kind of wishes he didn't know what was going on. Well, okay, he doesn't know what's going on, but leading with crushed his soul isn't exactly explanations 101 here. And continuing with "trying to determine the worth of humanity" is really...
It's not normal. It's the furthest fucking thing from normal. It's shuffling Hajime's entire set of opinions on -- most of them, really, everything from trying to figure out why Goro had shoved Ryuji away that time at the bar, to figuring out just what the relationship among Ryuji and his group of friends is.]
Crushing his soul? The "worth of humanity?"
[This is all crazy. It's nonsense! It doesn't make sense. It's too far outside what Hajime considers normal, even by the standards of this stupid space station.]
What're you talking about?!
[He's... getting loud again, which is what happens when he's frustrated and full of emotions he doesn't understand.]
[This... was going just about as well as he could've thought it would, actually. Ryuji's shoulders slump downward, seeing the frustration in Hajime's features build up to a fever pitch. This was a bad place to be in, for both of them.]
H-hey, calm down for a sec! I know it doesn't make any goddamn sense and I'm doin' a really shitty job of explaining. But it's not all that crazy, right? There are goddamn ghosts on this station, people get trapped in walls, weird signals gettin' sent to our devices.
[And he does... feel bad, particularly at the thought of crushing Hajime's view of him, because he knows he's doing it right now. That if he thought Ryuji was just absolutely some dumbass dork who dropped in from a different version of Tokyo--- well, that's still true--- but the circumstances around it were all based in the supernatural to begin with.]
I guess it's kinda dumb starting at the end and working your way backwards, so maybe I can start from the beginning? [Would that be worse? He looks on at Hajime, worried for him. For his sake, actually. He would never want to hurt him, and that's one of the reasons he was avoiding this conversation to begin with.]
Me and my friends are Phantom Thieves. Ren and I discovered a world that exists outside of the bounds of reality... where peoples' thoughts and desires take material form. People that are particularly messed up have really strong uh... cognitions... of themselves, and what we've done over the last 8 months was basically... going in there and stopping them from being shitty people.
And in order to do that, you have to steal what's corrupting them to begin with. If you steal their desires away from them, they go back to who they were to begin with, and confess everything that they've done. But if you go in and destroy a piece of what's guarding that desire, they become mentally unstable and shut down. That's what happened to Haru's dad. Akechi was being forced into doing it as part of a larger plot against us.
[That's as good as he can explain the situation, but it still feels like it's not exactly hitting home something more important--- and his gaze rises up to Hajime.]
I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you the moment we became friends. But the last time I talked about this stuff out in the open... I put all of us in danger. And I can't do that to them again. [And then, adding on-] And I don't wanna do that to Akechi, either... now that we're all here and he's getting a second chance at being normal. It's... man, it's complicated.
Those are crazy things on this space station. You're talking about bullshit that you did at home.
[The only consolation Hajime can take is that he was right; Ryuji's use of the word "Phantom Thief" back then really did mean more than he'd tried to explain off. He's not sure what to make of his own tone as he mutters that, more to himself than to Ryuji. It's bitterness, resentment, a hint of betrayal. The betrayal, at least, he's fully aware is childish. He was the one dumb enough to think that there could be someone, several people, similar to him on this crazy space station.
But no. He's the only one without something ~special~ about him. It hurts, feeling like he's not good enough. And in spite of all the things Ryuji's said before this, he can't quite squelch the niggling thought that what Ryuji can do? Someone like him? That would be something Hope's Peak would consider a talent. And untalented people don't deserve to stand next to talented people like equals.
His expression shutters, closes off; his eyes narrow to listen to the other boy speak without interrupting. In the end, he shakes his head. How's he supposed to accept this? To make sense of it? It's all bullshit.]
You're telling me... you guys would just. Go and change people against their will? And people died because of that?
[It's one thing to say that what he and Goro did is different. But to Hajime, it doesn't sound all that different at all.]
[Fundamentally, Hajime was both right and wrong at the same time, and the delineation between the two felt really important to make, but in the heat of the moment, with Hajime clearly jolted to the core like this, Ryuji responds in a sharp outburst.]
No!? What the hell, you're jumping to conclusions that ain't even right!
[Ryuji has to bite his tongue at the urge to tell him that he was, actually, behaving like a child. But anger getting the best of him wouldn't solve any of this and just make it worse than it already was.
Breathe, Sakamoto. Don't clench your fists in anger.]
It ain't that simple! Kamoshida... he raped a girl in our school and abused the students. Madarame had used his art pupils to plagiarize work, claiming it as his own and killed Yusuke's mom to raise him as an art mule for him! Kaneshiro was a crime lord who sold prostitutes, was involved in drug trade. Haru's dad was exploiting labor laws and causing people to die of exhaustion and countless effin safety violations in his national company! Shido became the prime minister and planned to ruin our country, orchestrating countless assassinations of his political opponents.
It's not. It's not just the same to say that they were changed against their will. They were horrible goddamn people and the police wouldn't do shit to save any of the people they they hurt or killed.
[This is a mess, he knows it's a mess.]
Nothing we ever did ever caused someone to die. We wanted them to come to their senses and actually feel bad for what they had done and confess their crimes on their own.
If you think it's just something that's totally black and white, well, it ain't. And we had to suffer for our choices. All of us. It ain't... Goddamnit, Hajime.
[He pushes the butt of his palms into his eyes, frustrated that he's not going to make a difference.]
What does it even matter what I did at home? We can't do shit here anymore anyway. The Metaverse is gone. We ain't thieves anymore.
[Okay, see, these are different. Hajime can't keep up with all the twists this story is taking -- again, because it's just so far outside anything he's ever experienced. The worst person he's ever met was the head of Hope's Peak Security, and even if he'd literally tried to fight him, he still doesn't know if he'd try to... to do whatever it is Ryuji's talking about here. There wouldn't be much point, when that's just how people were. Removing him would just put someone else in his place.
But this... it horrifies him, and it's clear on his face that whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.]
So... that one time when you said people would just start confessing crimes... that was you guys?
[His voice isn't downright combative anymore, at least, but that lower tone, the tone he takes when he's trying to solve a puzzle. And then he lets out a quiet Ah! of realization. Just slid some minigame letters into place.]
[He looks down at his lap, his anger finally winning out in the end as he slams it down against the metal. It hurts, but it also feels good, at the same time.]
Yeah... Kamoshida... what he did... was unforgivable.
[The man who stole Ryuji's future away. He hasn't gotten emotional thinking about his coach in such a long time, that this comes off as almost foreign, almost nostalgic.]
He took everything away from me. And the girl he sexually harassed... she tried to commit suicide.
[He flinches when Ryuji punches the deck. There's a part of him that wants to do something. Say the right thing, apologize, try to smooth it over. But it's just -- too much. He doesn't know what to do.
He's thinking about Natsumi and Satou again. If someone like Ryuji had been there, seen how crazy she was and done something about it... would Natsumi still be alive? Would they be able to prove that even untalented people could stand beside talented people?
Would he do the same, if he knew he could change people's minds? Would he stop at just people with extreme crimes like that, or would he start doing it to anyone he disagreed with? What stops someone from just deciding that it should be done to him?
He doesn't know. It's impossible; he can't know something like that. His stomach tightens with anxious nausea. That does sound like something someone like Juzo Sakakura would do to keep worthless Reserve Course students in check.]
You said... Akechi killed someone, though? He killed Haru's father?
[That line of thought... it was absolutely valid. It's hard to say that "anyone who had a palace" was deserving of having their heart stolen, because that wasn't always true, even as they had seen in Makoto's sister's palace. The line between doing what was just and doing what was done for self-preservation wasn't as thick as it should have been. But there were controls; there were meetings after meetings. Evidence was always needed.
But each and every member of the Phantom Thieves, Akechi included, had been royally shafted by society. Each one of them had been hurt, viscerally, by the crimes those palace owners had caused. And because of that pain, they knew, ultimately, that they would never steal the heart of a person who didn't deserve to have it stolen in the first place. They were the robin hoods of their world. Act outside the bounds of the legal system, avenge those who couldn't avenge themselves.
And that's why it's so complicated.]
Yeah... [Talking about Akechi... is this the right thing to do? Ryuji doesn't know. He probably shouldn't have said anything at all, but here he finds himself even needing to protect their traitor. It's a weird, fucked up feeling.]
We had just stolen Okumura's treasure- the thing that generates... all those corrupt desires. And then someone had come in and destroyed the person guarding it. That person's kinda like... someone's inner self. Their shadow? I guess. But once you destroy that, you destroy the center of their existence. They lose their sense of self completely and... die. We didn't know that at the time, though. We never saw... what he had done.
[It was inexplicable.]
We even celebrated at Destinyland that night. And then... the press conference... [He visibly shudders. It was something televised that he never wants to bring up again. Okumura had a heart attack on tv as black blood started pouring out from inside him. Ryuji doesn't mention it.]
But... Akechi... man. I know what you're probably thinkin', too. Like, he's a murderer, he ought to pay for what he did. It ain't that simple either. He was being used. I told you the cards were stacked against him to begin with, right?
[He's repeating what Ryuji said before, in an attempt to understand and come to grips with it. It still sounds impossibly crazy, but he doesn't think for an instant Ryuji is lying about any of this. This wouldn't be a funny haha you should have seen your face moment. This is all true, at least as much as Ryuji believes it.]
Being used by who? Isn't he a detective?
[He should have been able to go to the police better than anybody. Unless that was just part of a cover story, too.]
[Because... what else is there to say? A shadow is a shadow; it's kind of like a soul, but he doesn't know if there's a distinction. Just feels like that's how it's supposed to work.]
He is, yeah. His dad was manipulating him to do his dirty work. And if he didn't comply, he would've been killed off too. The dude was a high ranking political party member. He used everyone's fear and promised us a new age of a better country, or some shit like that. People ate it up, voted him in as prime minister. But in the background, he was using Akechi to get rid of the people in his way.
[He starts to feel uncomfortable talking so much about Akechi, knowing full well that when this information hits him that it's going to cause problems in more than one way.]
It kinda worked out. He was a detective solving his own cases, so he just kept getting more popular. And we got all the heat for Okumura's death.
[Hajime frowns, staring own at his own hands. Would he have done what Goro did? Would he be able to kill someone, if his life was on the line?
He doesn't know. How could he know something like that? None of this is inside the realm of possibility for him. A conversation that had started #relatable about a shared experience has gradually spiraled way outside anything Hajime's equipped to deal with.]
...Are you going to tell your friends you told me this? Or am I supposed to just... keep this to myself, and pretend nothing's changed?
[He can't comprehend it, so his focus turns to himself, again. Why did Ryuji put this burden on him? Just tell him what to do, since he doesn't know.]
[He's having trouble with where this is going, once Hajime takes the focus of the conversation in a different direction. Something about it just rubs Ryuji the wrong way- like he feels like he's about to be punished for telling him the truth. Or their friendship will be, rather.]
Are you serious? I'm not like... asking for sympathy or anything, but this is kinda cold and weird, comin' from you.
[Ryuji feels like he just poured his heart out to someone, and it's awkward, now that Hajime wants to know what he's supposed to do with this information.]
I dunno, I kinda thought Haru already told you some of this, which was why I said anything at all, I... just. [He inflates his cheeks and expels the air that was keeping them bubbled.]
I'm gonna have to tell them, I guess, yeah. [They're going to be so upset with him, he can almost feel the repercussions coming from the future to hit him hard in the gut.]
[He flinches at what almost sounds like an accusation. "Cold and weird, coming from you," as if he's just supposed to... accept it. That he can't stand on Ryuji's level, or Haru's, or any of them.
Then his shoulders sag, and he looks back to his hands, shaking his head with a sigh. Isn't that what he's been doing since he entered the Reserve Course, just clinging to people with talent. Following in their wake as if hoping he could make something of himself that way.]
I just...
[He feels vulnerable, but he isn't going to say that. His friend is a criminal, who's gone up against horrible people, who's made a difference in the world in a way Hajime can't do. It's complicated.]
You and Haru.... you guys are the kind of people I wish I could be, [he says finally. Jury is. Way out on Goro, but then, he's not nearly as close to him as he is to Ryuji, or even Haru.] But I'm not like you guys. I don't care that you're criminals, but it's like...
[He gestures, wordlessly, an almost Erika-like gesture as if hoping Ryuji could get his meaning just like that.]
It's finding out someone you thought was just like you is some kind of hero-vigilante, and there's nothing I can do but hang back and watch. You know?
It's nowhere near what Ryuji thought it would end up being, and surprised, he feels entirely disconnected from Hajime for a second before... it starts crashing down on him. And it sucks- his friend is being crushed by all the lives he didn't lead, all the things he perceived that he couldn't do... it's just. It's wrong. No one should feel so divested in their own capabilities that they can't make a difference in the world.
Ryuji's instinct is to take Hajime and wrap an arm around him, even if it's just a gesture to protect him... from himself, but he doesn't make a movement like that. Never one to be incredibly great with what his words entail, he's always relied on action, on physical cues, things like that to get across the meaning behind things. So it's difficult, to say the least, because he hates that Hajime thinks this way. Thinks so little of himself.]
So... why can't you be like us?
[He scratches the back of his head, and it's with unease that his grimaced features look back on his friend.]
If you wanna fight back against fucked up people, you just have to believe in yourself that you can make change out there in the world. Wave the flag of rebellion, all that shit that comes along with it.
We're just a bunch of normal teens that got caught up in something we probably shouldn't have to begin with.
[He looks up at Hajime, unsure of what he's trying to get at, before it dawns on him.]
[He immediately makes a face at Ryuji's first question, an incredulous, exhausted face. As if someone like Hajime had a secret power that let him go up against people's souls.
Even assuming he could be as defiant and rebellious as Ryuji's describing, what the hell kind of impact would that make? He's not like Natsumi, able to easily rile up the normal students of the Reserve Course against the Main Course with just a few words. He wouldn't want to go up against those students, anyway; Chiaki's one of them. That weirdo he met who thinks they're friends, Gundam Tanaka, he's one of them, too. It's not their fault he's untalented, bitter, resentful that his whole life was leading up to -- nothing. And now, being trapped on this space station for weeks, means his one shot, his one chance at being someone important, at becoming the protagonist of his own life story, has already passed him by. There's no way the Academy would just wait for him to come back so they could start the Project.
He'd tried his minor act of rebellion already, and been punched down for it, reminded of how little he matters in his world.
He's about to point out that somebody who can do things like literally change people's souls hardly get to call themselves "normal," so Ryuji's suggestion that he join them is-]
What?
[He can't help but laugh, more out of bewilderment than anything else.]
[It takes a moment of thought at what Hajime says. It's not as simple as getting magic powers, and yet, it really was. It hurt at first- it was the most painful thing that he remembers since his leg breaking, but it always is when you face your true inner self.]
Neither did we. We wandered into the metaverse and our own shadows reached out to us. Told us to stand up for ourselves and not take the world sitting down. It's because we had never listened to ourselves to know that it existed there.
[Those magic powers were just a manifestation of themselves, power brought about because of the belief they had in themselves, and in their friends.]
That's all it is. A mask you wear.
[He wishes he had the app to take them in right now, to test him, show him that he has it in himself- that anyone should be able to awaken their persona. But it's gone now. There's no way to enter it accessible to them.]
And since all that shit's gone, the best thing we can do in the meantime is hold to our ideals and defend those who can't be defended. [So... Hajime-] You in or not?
[He's silent for a long few seconds, closing his eyes. It's almost like that thinking pose Ryuji likes to tease him for, but rather than think aloud, he's actually keeping his thoughts to himself for once. No minigames or logic puzzles, just letting Ryuji's words resonate in his mind.
To stand up for ourselves and not take the world sitting down... is it? Defend those who can't be defended?
Isn't that why he'd wanted to join Hope's Peak in the first place? To become someone confident, to feel like a member of society. To become the protagonist of his own life story. This definitely, definitely, wouldn't help him become someone important at home, but then, he isn't home, is he? He's on a hunk of metal floating in who-knows-what universe.
He opens his eyes, ready to bat away Ryuji's hand if he's going for a forehead poke.]
[Ryuji's smile bursts out from his face like it's too hard to contain in one brushing sweep of emotion. Partially because he was terrified of losing Hajime as a friend, and the other because he was worried that he would reject him. Reject his friends- everything he believed in. It's powerful for someone as sentimental as Hajime.
Instead of a full on forehead flick, he holds his fist out for a bump.
[He can't help but feel like he's making the wrong choice. That he should have asked for time to think about it, or try to argue, or just flat-out refuse. His heart is pounding too quickly in his chest with a weird mix of nervousness and heady excitement, because it is different. It's something totally different, literally not of his world.
Can he do all that weird stuff Ryuji talked about, messing around with people's souls, taking their choices away from them? He's not sure. He probably won't ever be sure. But if it's too late to go back to Hope's Peak, even if they can ever go back... he wants to belong somewhere.
Ryuji's smile is the first time he's really felt accepted, and he laughs quietly to expel some of that nervousness before lifting a hand to gently bump the other boy's fist.]
Thanks... but I'm not making some mask out of arts and crafts to try to match you, though.
[--Can't let it get too sappy. Can't let Ryuji know just how much this means to him, though the warm smile mostly gives it away anyway.]
[When the Phantom Thieves first started their exploits in the Metaverse, Ryuji wanted to gain some fame and fortune off of doing the things that they had done. There was always this part of him that wanted to be recognized, to have people see him as something worthwhile, to show up the people that said he wasn't good for anything other than being a delinquent. He found out that the approval- all the approval he ever really needed, in actuality- was good enough to come from his friends and he dropped that urge to become known for the deeds they had done.
But sitting here, with Hajime, it feels like it rekindles some of that attention towards him. He's not really waving the banner of Seiten-Taisei to the entire station, but it's enough that... his friend, his god's honest friend is looking up to him. He didn't want to make the other jealous over it, but rather... immediately felt this intense urge to bring him into things once he told the other.
And it always came down to this. Ryuji desperately wanting the people he cared about to notice him, to see good in him. Hajime's confirmation of that warms him to the core.]
Nah, man. You get your own and shit. It's pretty cool.
[Wait, he was talking about the motif of a thief wearing a face cover, right? Not the actual... persona wielding embodiment of their trickster, right? Either way, Ryuji already is pulling back his fist post-bump.]
Actually, lemme show you.
[Ryuji closes his eyes and focuses on the spirit energy residing from his persona, and with a wave of his hand over his face, the outline of a skull's mask forms before becoming corporeal, solidifying onto his face with a blue flame that burns bright for only a second.
He takes it off, holding it into his hands like it's his most precious possession- an incarnation of himself- and holds it out to show the other. Gross, it's been on his face so many times that this thing probably has more of Ryuji on it than anyone needs to have in one sitting. But it's also made of him? So there's that, too.]
[No, Ryuji, he just said he doesn't want to make a ma-- holy shit]
Gyaaah!!
[He holds up both hands as he recoils, as if to ward off the weird blue flames. It's hard not to yell in surprise when a flaming skull mask suddenly appears on his friend's face!! He'd thought when Ryuji had said the metaverse wasn't available, he wouldn't have to worry about all that weird supernatural stuff.
What the hell has he gotten himself into.]
S-sorry, but that's... what?
[It comes out more weakly than he'd like as he leans forward to check out the mask, examining it like a piece of evidence. It's... real, right? He reaches out to try to touch it, gently, just to confirm that it is present and real.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Dude? Now they're both sitting up, Hajime's face twisted into concerned confusion.]
I knew you guys were hiding something from me, but...
[Yeah, he's. Not entirely stupid. Ryuji alone would be obvious enough without Haru stepping on his figurative foot to shut him up added to the mix.
So? Go on. He's listening.]
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...
[Cornered, he knows he should probably just keep to his in group and push the other farther out. It's the smart thing to do. It's what a thief would do. And the thing about that? Ryuji's not that great of a thief, and has always put his friendships above the job.]
I shouldn't've said anything. Man... [Scratching the back of his head.]
What I'm about to tell you, you can't say a word about it to ANYONE, okay? Like. I need you to promise me. On everything.
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[He's not exactly about to go knocking on Erika's door hey my friend is a criminal and someone who trusts me also is probably a criminal.
But that also feels kind of isolating, in a way, now that he's said it. Who can he talk to, if something happens where he can't talk to Ryuji? He doesn't want to burden Erika with his own problems, so that really... doesn't leave an exhaustive list. He presses his lips tightly together and nods more firmly.]
Yeah. I promise.
[He doesn't have much of a choice.]
Tell me what's going on, Ryuji.
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Ryuji honestly doesn't even know where he should begin. He looks around the observatory, again, just to make sure that no one's there with him. He powers down his communicator, too- mostly because he doesn't want messages to come through, but also, the way Makoto had spied on him before has made him a little apprehensive of being recorded.]
Turn yours off, too. Sorry... it's just. This secret could ruin us, you know?
[He sighs, piecing together the narrative in his head. It's still all jumbled up.]
Akechi killed Haru's father by crushing his... uh, soul? I guess that's what you can call it. His shadow. I don't really think it was entirely his fault though, he was getting used by someone else. I mean, it was still kinda his fault, but what else are you gonna do when the house of cards are stacked so goddamn high against you to begin with?
I know this ain't makin' a ton of sense or anything. So... if you have questions, ask 'em and I'll try to answer the best I can. But honestly... so much of it is kinda bullshit that it's hard to...
[He bites his bottom lip.]
Look, I don't even know where I stand with Akechi. I probably oughta hate him. I don't even know if Haru does, after what he did to her father. But both of us... our party, and him, were bein' pitted against each other by some messed up forces trying to determine the worth of humanity as a whole. I mean. I think that's kinda how it was goin' down.
[It's hard to really put anything down definitively. Ryuji stopped existing for a while and was caught in a jail of consciousness- which, from his perspective, happened exactly a month and a half ago. That's when the real guy behind the curtain pulling the strings showed himself.
You know. God.]
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[He turns off his communicator, remembering something Erika said once about network security, and folds his hands in his lap. Alright, punk, get explaining.
And then, abruptly, Hajime kind of wishes he didn't know what was going on. Well, okay, he doesn't know what's going on, but leading with crushed his soul isn't exactly explanations 101 here. And continuing with "trying to determine the worth of humanity" is really...
It's not normal. It's the furthest fucking thing from normal. It's shuffling Hajime's entire set of opinions on -- most of them, really, everything from trying to figure out why Goro had shoved Ryuji away that time at the bar, to figuring out just what the relationship among Ryuji and his group of friends is.]
Crushing his soul? The "worth of humanity?"
[This is all crazy. It's nonsense! It doesn't make sense. It's too far outside what Hajime considers normal, even by the standards of this stupid space station.]
What're you talking about?!
[He's... getting loud again, which is what happens when he's frustrated and full of emotions he doesn't understand.]
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H-hey, calm down for a sec! I know it doesn't make any goddamn sense and I'm doin' a really shitty job of explaining. But it's not all that crazy, right? There are goddamn ghosts on this station, people get trapped in walls, weird signals gettin' sent to our devices.
[And he does... feel bad, particularly at the thought of crushing Hajime's view of him, because he knows he's doing it right now. That if he thought Ryuji was just absolutely some dumbass dork who dropped in from a different version of Tokyo--- well, that's still true--- but the circumstances around it were all based in the supernatural to begin with.]
I guess it's kinda dumb starting at the end and working your way backwards, so maybe I can start from the beginning? [Would that be worse? He looks on at Hajime, worried for him. For his sake, actually. He would never want to hurt him, and that's one of the reasons he was avoiding this conversation to begin with.]
Me and my friends are Phantom Thieves. Ren and I discovered a world that exists outside of the bounds of reality... where peoples' thoughts and desires take material form. People that are particularly messed up have really strong uh... cognitions... of themselves, and what we've done over the last 8 months was basically... going in there and stopping them from being shitty people.
And in order to do that, you have to steal what's corrupting them to begin with. If you steal their desires away from them, they go back to who they were to begin with, and confess everything that they've done. But if you go in and destroy a piece of what's guarding that desire, they become mentally unstable and shut down. That's what happened to Haru's dad. Akechi was being forced into doing it as part of a larger plot against us.
[That's as good as he can explain the situation, but it still feels like it's not exactly hitting home something more important--- and his gaze rises up to Hajime.]
I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you the moment we became friends. But the last time I talked about this stuff out in the open... I put all of us in danger. And I can't do that to them again. [And then, adding on-] And I don't wanna do that to Akechi, either... now that we're all here and he's getting a second chance at being normal. It's... man, it's complicated.
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[The only consolation Hajime can take is that he was right; Ryuji's use of the word "Phantom Thief" back then really did mean more than he'd tried to explain off. He's not sure what to make of his own tone as he mutters that, more to himself than to Ryuji. It's bitterness, resentment, a hint of betrayal. The betrayal, at least, he's fully aware is childish. He was the one dumb enough to think that there could be someone, several people, similar to him on this crazy space station.
But no. He's the only one without something ~special~ about him. It hurts, feeling like he's not good enough. And in spite of all the things Ryuji's said before this, he can't quite squelch the niggling thought that what Ryuji can do? Someone like him? That would be something Hope's Peak would consider a talent. And untalented people don't deserve to stand next to talented people like equals.
His expression shutters, closes off; his eyes narrow to listen to the other boy speak without interrupting. In the end, he shakes his head. How's he supposed to accept this? To make sense of it? It's all bullshit.]
You're telling me... you guys would just. Go and change people against their will? And people died because of that?
[It's one thing to say that what he and Goro did is different. But to Hajime, it doesn't sound all that different at all.]
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No!? What the hell, you're jumping to conclusions that ain't even right!
[Ryuji has to bite his tongue at the urge to tell him that he was, actually, behaving like a child. But anger getting the best of him wouldn't solve any of this and just make it worse than it already was.
Breathe, Sakamoto. Don't clench your fists in anger.]
It ain't that simple! Kamoshida... he raped a girl in our school and abused the students. Madarame had used his art pupils to plagiarize work, claiming it as his own and killed Yusuke's mom to raise him as an art mule for him! Kaneshiro was a crime lord who sold prostitutes, was involved in drug trade. Haru's dad was exploiting labor laws and causing people to die of exhaustion and countless effin safety violations in his national company! Shido became the prime minister and planned to ruin our country, orchestrating countless assassinations of his political opponents.
It's not. It's not just the same to say that they were changed against their will. They were horrible goddamn people and the police wouldn't do shit to save any of the people they they hurt or killed.
[This is a mess, he knows it's a mess.]
Nothing we ever did ever caused someone to die. We wanted them to come to their senses and actually feel bad for what they had done and confess their crimes on their own.
If you think it's just something that's totally black and white, well, it ain't. And we had to suffer for our choices. All of us. It ain't... Goddamnit, Hajime.
[He pushes the butt of his palms into his eyes, frustrated that he's not going to make a difference.]
What does it even matter what I did at home? We can't do shit here anymore anyway. The Metaverse is gone. We ain't thieves anymore.
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[Okay, see, these are different. Hajime can't keep up with all the twists this story is taking -- again, because it's just so far outside anything he's ever experienced. The worst person he's ever met was the head of Hope's Peak Security, and even if he'd literally tried to fight him, he still doesn't know if he'd try to... to do whatever it is Ryuji's talking about here. There wouldn't be much point, when that's just how people were. Removing him would just put someone else in his place.
But this... it horrifies him, and it's clear on his face that whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.]
So... that one time when you said people would just start confessing crimes... that was you guys?
[His voice isn't downright combative anymore, at least, but that lower tone, the tone he takes when he's trying to solve a puzzle. And then he lets out a quiet Ah! of realization. Just slid some minigame letters into place.]
Your coach, too? He was one of them?
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Yeah... Kamoshida... what he did... was unforgivable.
[The man who stole Ryuji's future away. He hasn't gotten emotional thinking about his coach in such a long time, that this comes off as almost foreign, almost nostalgic.]
He took everything away from me. And the girl he sexually harassed... she tried to commit suicide.
I don't... I don't regret anything we did.
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He's thinking about Natsumi and Satou again. If someone like Ryuji had been there, seen how crazy she was and done something about it... would Natsumi still be alive? Would they be able to prove that even untalented people could stand beside talented people?
Would he do the same, if he knew he could change people's minds? Would he stop at just people with extreme crimes like that, or would he start doing it to anyone he disagreed with? What stops someone from just deciding that it should be done to him?
He doesn't know. It's impossible; he can't know something like that. His stomach tightens with anxious nausea. That does sound like something someone like Juzo Sakakura would do to keep worthless Reserve Course students in check.]
You said... Akechi killed someone, though? He killed Haru's father?
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But each and every member of the Phantom Thieves, Akechi included, had been royally shafted by society. Each one of them had been hurt, viscerally, by the crimes those palace owners had caused. And because of that pain, they knew, ultimately, that they would never steal the heart of a person who didn't deserve to have it stolen in the first place. They were the robin hoods of their world. Act outside the bounds of the legal system, avenge those who couldn't avenge themselves.
And that's why it's so complicated.]
Yeah... [Talking about Akechi... is this the right thing to do? Ryuji doesn't know. He probably shouldn't have said anything at all, but here he finds himself even needing to protect their traitor. It's a weird, fucked up feeling.]
We had just stolen Okumura's treasure- the thing that generates... all those corrupt desires. And then someone had come in and destroyed the person guarding it. That person's kinda like... someone's inner self. Their shadow? I guess. But once you destroy that, you destroy the center of their existence. They lose their sense of self completely and... die. We didn't know that at the time, though. We never saw... what he had done.
[It was inexplicable.]
We even celebrated at Destinyland that night. And then... the press conference... [He visibly shudders. It was something televised that he never wants to bring up again. Okumura had a heart attack on tv as black blood started pouring out from inside him. Ryuji doesn't mention it.]
But... Akechi... man. I know what you're probably thinkin', too. Like, he's a murderer, he ought to pay for what he did. It ain't that simple either. He was being used. I told you the cards were stacked against him to begin with, right?
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[He's repeating what Ryuji said before, in an attempt to understand and come to grips with it. It still sounds impossibly crazy, but he doesn't think for an instant Ryuji is lying about any of this. This wouldn't be a funny haha you should have seen your face moment. This is all true, at least as much as Ryuji believes it.]
Being used by who? Isn't he a detective?
[He should have been able to go to the police better than anybody. Unless that was just part of a cover story, too.]
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[Because... what else is there to say? A shadow is a shadow; it's kind of like a soul, but he doesn't know if there's a distinction. Just feels like that's how it's supposed to work.]
He is, yeah. His dad was manipulating him to do his dirty work. And if he didn't comply, he would've been killed off too. The dude was a high ranking political party member. He used everyone's fear and promised us a new age of a better country, or some shit like that. People ate it up, voted him in as prime minister. But in the background, he was using Akechi to get rid of the people in his way.
[He starts to feel uncomfortable talking so much about Akechi, knowing full well that when this information hits him that it's going to cause problems in more than one way.]
It kinda worked out. He was a detective solving his own cases, so he just kept getting more popular. And we got all the heat for Okumura's death.
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[Hajime frowns, staring own at his own hands. Would he have done what Goro did? Would he be able to kill someone, if his life was on the line?
He doesn't know. How could he know something like that? None of this is inside the realm of possibility for him. A conversation that had started #relatable about a shared experience has gradually spiraled way outside anything Hajime's equipped to deal with.]
...Are you going to tell your friends you told me this? Or am I supposed to just... keep this to myself, and pretend nothing's changed?
[He can't comprehend it, so his focus turns to himself, again. Why did Ryuji put this burden on him? Just tell him what to do, since he doesn't know.]
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[He's having trouble with where this is going, once Hajime takes the focus of the conversation in a different direction. Something about it just rubs Ryuji the wrong way- like he feels like he's about to be punished for telling him the truth. Or their friendship will be, rather.]
Are you serious? I'm not like... asking for sympathy or anything, but this is kinda cold and weird, comin' from you.
[Ryuji feels like he just poured his heart out to someone, and it's awkward, now that Hajime wants to know what he's supposed to do with this information.]
I dunno, I kinda thought Haru already told you some of this, which was why I said anything at all, I... just. [He inflates his cheeks and expels the air that was keeping them bubbled.]
I'm gonna have to tell them, I guess, yeah. [They're going to be so upset with him, he can almost feel the repercussions coming from the future to hit him hard in the gut.]
What do you want to happen with it?
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Then his shoulders sag, and he looks back to his hands, shaking his head with a sigh. Isn't that what he's been doing since he entered the Reserve Course, just clinging to people with talent. Following in their wake as if hoping he could make something of himself that way.]
I just...
[He feels vulnerable, but he isn't going to say that. His friend is a criminal, who's gone up against horrible people, who's made a difference in the world in a way Hajime can't do. It's complicated.]
You and Haru.... you guys are the kind of people I wish I could be, [he says finally. Jury is. Way out on Goro, but then, he's not nearly as close to him as he is to Ryuji, or even Haru.] But I'm not like you guys. I don't care that you're criminals, but it's like...
[He gestures, wordlessly, an almost Erika-like gesture as if hoping Ryuji could get his meaning just like that.]
It's finding out someone you thought was just like you is some kind of hero-vigilante, and there's nothing I can do but hang back and watch. You know?
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It's nowhere near what Ryuji thought it would end up being, and surprised, he feels entirely disconnected from Hajime for a second before... it starts crashing down on him. And it sucks- his friend is being crushed by all the lives he didn't lead, all the things he perceived that he couldn't do... it's just. It's wrong. No one should feel so divested in their own capabilities that they can't make a difference in the world.
Ryuji's instinct is to take Hajime and wrap an arm around him, even if it's just a gesture to protect him... from himself, but he doesn't make a movement like that. Never one to be incredibly great with what his words entail, he's always relied on action, on physical cues, things like that to get across the meaning behind things. So it's difficult, to say the least, because he hates that Hajime thinks this way. Thinks so little of himself.]
So... why can't you be like us?
[He scratches the back of his head, and it's with unease that his grimaced features look back on his friend.]
If you wanna fight back against fucked up people, you just have to believe in yourself that you can make change out there in the world. Wave the flag of rebellion, all that shit that comes along with it.
We're just a bunch of normal teens that got caught up in something we probably shouldn't have to begin with.
[He looks up at Hajime, unsure of what he's trying to get at, before it dawns on him.]
Why don't you join us? You can be a thief, too.
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Even assuming he could be as defiant and rebellious as Ryuji's describing, what the hell kind of impact would that make? He's not like Natsumi, able to easily rile up the normal students of the Reserve Course against the Main Course with just a few words. He wouldn't want to go up against those students, anyway; Chiaki's one of them. That weirdo he met who thinks they're friends, Gundam Tanaka, he's one of them, too. It's not their fault he's untalented, bitter, resentful that his whole life was leading up to -- nothing. And now, being trapped on this space station for weeks, means his one shot, his one chance at being someone important, at becoming the protagonist of his own life story, has already passed him by. There's no way the Academy would just wait for him to come back so they could start the Project.
He'd tried his minor act of rebellion already, and been punched down for it, reminded of how little he matters in his world.
He's about to point out that somebody who can do things like literally change people's souls hardly get to call themselves "normal," so Ryuji's suggestion that he join them is-]
What?
[He can't help but laugh, more out of bewilderment than anything else.]
I don't have any magic powers, Ryuji.
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Neither did we. We wandered into the metaverse and our own shadows reached out to us. Told us to stand up for ourselves and not take the world sitting down. It's because we had never listened to ourselves to know that it existed there.
[Those magic powers were just a manifestation of themselves, power brought about because of the belief they had in themselves, and in their friends.]
That's all it is. A mask you wear.
[He wishes he had the app to take them in right now, to test him, show him that he has it in himself- that anyone should be able to awaken their persona. But it's gone now. There's no way to enter it accessible to them.]
And since all that shit's gone, the best thing we can do in the meantime is hold to our ideals and defend those who can't be defended. [So... Hajime-] You in or not?
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[He's silent for a long few seconds, closing his eyes. It's almost like that thinking pose Ryuji likes to tease him for, but rather than think aloud, he's actually keeping his thoughts to himself for once. No minigames or logic puzzles, just letting Ryuji's words resonate in his mind.
To stand up for ourselves and not take the world sitting down... is it? Defend those who can't be defended?
Isn't that why he'd wanted to join Hope's Peak in the first place? To become someone confident, to feel like a member of society. To become the protagonist of his own life story. This definitely, definitely, wouldn't help him become someone important at home, but then, he isn't home, is he? He's on a hunk of metal floating in who-knows-what universe.
He opens his eyes, ready to bat away Ryuji's hand if he's going for a forehead poke.]
Yeah. I'm in.
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Instead of a full on forehead flick, he holds his fist out for a bump.
This isn't optional.
It's not optional.]
Knew I could count on you.
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Can he do all that weird stuff Ryuji talked about, messing around with people's souls, taking their choices away from them? He's not sure. He probably won't ever be sure. But if it's too late to go back to Hope's Peak, even if they can ever go back... he wants to belong somewhere.
Ryuji's smile is the first time he's really felt accepted, and he laughs quietly to expel some of that nervousness before lifting a hand to gently bump the other boy's fist.]
Thanks... but I'm not making some mask out of arts and crafts to try to match you, though.
[--Can't let it get too sappy. Can't let Ryuji know just how much this means to him, though the warm smile mostly gives it away anyway.]
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But sitting here, with Hajime, it feels like it rekindles some of that attention towards him. He's not really waving the banner of Seiten-Taisei to the entire station, but it's enough that... his friend, his god's honest friend is looking up to him. He didn't want to make the other jealous over it, but rather... immediately felt this intense urge to bring him into things once he told the other.
And it always came down to this. Ryuji desperately wanting the people he cared about to notice him, to see good in him. Hajime's confirmation of that warms him to the core.]
Nah, man. You get your own and shit. It's pretty cool.
[Wait, he was talking about the motif of a thief wearing a face cover, right? Not the actual... persona wielding embodiment of their trickster, right? Either way, Ryuji already is pulling back his fist post-bump.]
Actually, lemme show you.
[Ryuji closes his eyes and focuses on the spirit energy residing from his persona, and with a wave of his hand over his face, the outline of a skull's mask forms before becoming corporeal, solidifying onto his face with a blue flame that burns bright for only a second.
He takes it off, holding it into his hands like it's his most precious possession- an incarnation of himself- and holds it out to show the other. Gross, it's been on his face so many times that this thing probably has more of Ryuji on it than anyone needs to have in one sitting. But it's also made of him? So there's that, too.]
It's a skull. Like my username.
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Gyaaah!!
[He holds up both hands as he recoils, as if to ward off the weird blue flames. It's hard not to yell in surprise when a flaming skull mask suddenly appears on his friend's face!! He'd thought when Ryuji had said the metaverse wasn't available, he wouldn't have to worry about all that weird supernatural stuff.
What the hell has he gotten himself into.]
S-sorry, but that's... what?
[It comes out more weakly than he'd like as he leans forward to check out the mask, examining it like a piece of evidence. It's... real, right? He reaches out to try to touch it, gently, just to confirm that it is present and real.]
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